Along Came a Murderer

Stand For Yourself

I've been keeping track of how many days I've gone without hurting someone. I needed to learn how to control myself. So far, it's been at least 12 days. For the past week, I've met with 3 doctors. And for some reason, they all think I should stay in this mental hospital for 3 more years. I respect their decisions, but I've been here, for what, about a month or two? Maybe more. I can't take this place anymore. As much as they think I should stay, I just want to leave and go home.

All that is needed for my freedom, is at least 1 or 2 years of normal and healthy thoughts or actions that won't hurt me or anyone else. But who knows? I could be out of here by tomorrow. I haven't been having terrible thoughts in my head. I'm no longer stressing out or having the habit of wanting to hurt something. And the voices are gone. I also stopped having panic attacks as well. I just need to place all these emotions back into my stage act. Heck, I could even write a new album.

I don't know why I didn't think of this the first day I got here. Well, I was pretty freaked out about actually killing someone. Why did I do it? Why did I kill that man who was smiling at me on the bus? Why did I kill all of these people, despite the fact that some didn't deserve to die, and others did.... I don't know. My mind was being controlled by someone else. But I promised myself that things will get better. My doctors tell me to remain calm, and think happy thoughts.

What are my happy thoughts? My family. My friends. Performing, and just having fun again. That's all what I live for. I don't want to spend 3 more years here. I've got better things to do. Plus, so many things that need to be caught up on. I'm sure it'll be one hell of a surprise for everyone.

Honestly, this isn't the first time I've been in a mental hospital. It's technically my third time. The first was because I made terrible decisions and had to spend 72 hours. The second was for a music video. And my third? I killed people. A lot of them. And I'm not proud of it. I feel like no one will trust me once I get out of here, but I can't blame them. At least I'll be able to control myself.

I just hope that I'll be out of here soon, if not now. Everything feels normal again. I feel like I'm myself again. But I feel like I'm gonna be here for a while, that's for sure.