Finding My Husband's Heart

Chapter 12: it isn't easy to forget

I couldn't think straight. Why did he kiss me? Was it love or was it just to get his way? I wanted to know. Should I call him? That's when Lily interrupted my thoughts by handing me a cup of coffee. I smiled in gratitude, sat down and started sipping my coffee. "What do you think I should do?" I asked. She shrugged and muttered," forget him". I paused for a while. Could I? The answer was obvious, no. I gave her a frown and she sighed. She took my hand in hers and said, "You need to give him some time. Maybe two months, stay here and wait until he comes looking for you and if he doesn't you need to file a divorce and move on". She stood and looked at me sadly, " Infact you should've left him the day he started abusing you, my friend". I stood up too. I think I was ready for this. I wasn't some high school kid who has a world of problems she cannot solve, I was a grown woman who had to face the problems. So I thought I stopped hiding, crying and loving him and woke up. I thanked Lily for helping me out and I hugged her. We should seriously forget my life and talk about her long distance relationship with her boyfriend in Australia but I let it slide. We have plenty more days ahead of us. Now I wanted to sleep.

It didn't come. Sleep. I needed it but it wasn't there. I shut my eyes tightly I could feel his arms around me, his lips on mine. I shot up in bed and turned on the lights. I looked at myself int he mirror and cried for one very long hour. I kept crying for the miserable life I had. Why couldn't he love me? I poured my heart out in tears until my throat was dry and my eyes were drooping. I fell asleep, finally.

I woke up in he morning to find a breakfast tray in the table beside the bed, it had note attached to it. 'Went to work, hope you find yourself at home baby. And no I don't have ice cream in the fridge and I hid the fault in our stars DVD so you can't mope around the house. Love, Lily' I got up and went into the bathroom and I took a look at the "beauty" of my face. I looked horrendous. My eyes were red and swollen because of the crying and my face was pale and my hair looked like a bird's nest. Oh and why wouldn't he not love me? Stupid me! I moved away from the mirror not wanting to look at myself anymore and I brushed my teeth. I took one long shower, maybe I tried to drown myself. In the shower, the warm water just cascaded down my back and I couldn't help but let out a soft moan. The water made me feel comfortable. I felt better instantly. I walked out of the shower, had my breakfast and headed downstairs to do exactly what Lily told me not to do. Except the ice cream part. I was gonna watch the Notebook and mope around for a while. Just a while.

Keith's point of view

I didn't know why I did what I did. But her lips. Wow. I felt my heart waver for a second. I didn't want to let go but I couldn't love her. I loved Jessica. Didn't i? The feel of her body against mine haunted my dreams. I shot up in the middle of the night hoping to forget what we did but I couldn't. I wanted more, a lot more. I slept rather uncomfortably as usual, but today was different. My sleep wasn't robbed by Jessica, instead it was snatched away from me by Sarah. Her name echoed in my thoughts. I started thinking of the moment she came walking down the stairs in that amazing dress, my heart skipped a beat after a very long time. I knew I had fallen so I instantly put up my facade again so that she wouldn't notice my reaction. She smiled but I didn't return it. Then my memories shifted to the wedding, when Noel eyed her I felt like poking him in the eyes and telling him that she was mine but was she? So I just made a small gesture to him showing that I wasn't done with her yet. I slipped my arm around her waist and I thought that she was incredibly small in my arms. I pinched her to show her that I wasn't letting down my defenses. To show her that she wasn't the one. During the entire time I saw her looking at me, I avoided her gaze the best I could but not for long. Then I saw her leave, to the parking lot, where it all happened, the kiss and everything. God, what was happening to me?

I wanted to stop thinking about her but I couldn't. Where did she go? Who was she with? Is she with someone? But she's my wife! My head tore apart in confusion. Jessica, Jessica and only Jessica. I consoled myself and true to think. I was troubled and I needed a friend. I obviously couldn't call Jake, that left me with one option. Noel. The call went to Noel and I waited until I heard his voice on the other end. "Hello", I heard. I replied in a sufficient 'hey'. I narrated what happened and Noel was shocked and surprisingly not happy. I told him that I was gonna start looking for Sarah. His reaction to that was not so good. He yelled, "are you out of your mind? You get this golden opportunity to go meet Jessica, find out if the ass she's married to is treating her well, steal her heart again and you throw it away by looking for your pathetic wife?"

It made sense. It all made sense. I didn't need Sarah. This was my chance to get Jessy. Finally. All I had to do was to make flight plans to London. Finally, I'll get my life back. Finally. I booked my tickets immediately. Day after tomorrow I would be on my way to meet her to finally get her back. Maybe. My thoughts didn't wander back to Sarah after that.

I woke up in the morning and shouted, " where's my coffee?" The cup of coffee with the leaf art on the surface of the coffee was missing. I slowly rised from the bed and I rubbed my eyes. Then it hit me. She wasn't here. She left. I didn't even know her whereabouts. What kind of a husband am I? My dad would have slapped me right across my face for treating her like that but my first love blocked my eyes. It made me blind. I stood up and went into the kitchen, to make coffee for myself. I ended up making something sick enough to spit it on the floor. Gosh I needed a maid. I thought she was a good enough to handle it all but I suddenly felt something deep inside. Was it gratitude? I was starting to sound like a girlie. God!! I beated the shit out of her. She deserved it didn't she? She made mistakes so I beat her. Why should I feel guilty?

I pushed her thoughts away and thought of Jessica. The days we spent together. The silent talks in the library, the walks in the park, the kisses shared and the slight romantic delights we had. Everything was fine and that arse Alex and my parents had to screw our love life with pleasure. Why couldn't they leave us alone? I needed to get these thoughts out of my head to I decided to go to my company and see what was going on since I am going to away for awhile. But hopefully if I get Jessy, I would be away for a very long time.