Finding My Husband's Heart

Chapter 19: The New Me

This chapter is dedicated to @mahgadahling

Sarah's P.O.V

I woke up and felt like as if a thousand elephants were running around in my head. Well, I guess that's what a hangover feels like. I didn't remember much from last night. Just the fact that I was drunk as shit when Lily came and found me. God knows how she managed to find me. I went to the bar right after I found out that he... I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and pushed back my tears. I couldn't even think about him without the waterworks in my eyes.

I left the divorce papers with his assistant, the one that requires only his sign, to rip us apart. Not there was much to separate in this relationship anyway. He didn't even make a vow for our marriage. It was just a failed attempt of my father's, to give me what I want and his father's wish of family friends actually becoming family.

He already left... He didn't bother looking for me. Did I deserve this? Was this the universe' way of punishing me for rejecting all those guys who claimed I was the love of their life? God! All these years I was saving myself for him and I get treated like shit and thrown away like trash. Heck, I'm still a virgin! Fed up of all these thoughts that were making my headache worse, I sat up. I found two aspirins sitting next to a glass of water on the side table. Lily... Honest to god, I am so thankful I have her. I took the pills and instantly felt a million times better.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. I looked like a wreck. I hated myself, for being naïve, timid and probably less attractive than that girl in that photograph, in his office. Why couldn't it be me? The one he loved? I shook my head in disappointment. I stepped into the bathroom and avoided the mirror. I didn't want to see the hopeless expression on my face again. I stepped into the shower area and turned the knob to cleanse myself not only physically, also emotionally. I don't know if it's possible to get over someone you've liked since the seventh grade but I was surely going to try.

'Forget everything!' I kept telling myself in my head like a mantra. One by one everything came into my mind. Every damn memory of him. The first kiss he gave me in the parking lot. Tears were flowing mixed with the water on my face. His smile when he used to teach me algebra and when I mess up the solution, when he was a junior in high school. Him chasing me when we were kids, I was five and he was eight. He stole my ribbon then and never gave it back. Just like he stole my heart later. A sigh escaped my lips. All those were going underneath now all I had in mind was, 'Remember how he hurt you'. Thoughts of the times he tortured me surfaced like an overflowing bath tub. All those times he hurt me, the happy times where I thought he cared for me kept me from hating him. I knew he was just venting the anger he had on others on me. But coming to think of it, I deserved more. I would've let him hurt me if he stayed. I loved him...stupid, yes, but when I love, I don't care about me, I just care about being with the person I love. I was that stupid but now that he left, I'm never going back to him. Ever. The Keith I loved wasn't the monster who tortured me. Those punches and the sick bruising he gave me...

I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in a white towel. I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom. I dressed in a white silk shirt and long grey skirt with a side split open. I rummaged through my sheets for my phone. I called the man that meant the world to me.

"Hello Dad, remember the Director post you offered me in the L.A branch, before my wedding? I need it now."

"Any problem, honey?"

"No, Dad. It's nothing. Just bored at home."

"Sure, honey. I'll let the L.A branch know. How's Keith?"

"He left me." I said it directly.

There was a long pause. And then, "I'll talk to John."

Keith's father. Nope, I don't need it. I'm moving on. Something I should have done when Keith graduated high school.

"No, Dad. I don't love Keith anymore." I lied. Obviously some part of me still loves him. I just think it's a lost cause fighting for him.

"Okay, honey. But your in-laws have to know."

"No, Dad. John will be devastated. We'll take some time."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, Dad. I'd rather not." I was sure he would put Keith's head on a stake if he saw the bruises on my arm.

"Are you fine, Sarah?" I inquired to make sure I was really okay. He knows, he knows how much I loved him.

"I'm fine, Dad. Just feeling new. Bye."

"Bye, honey."

With that, I ended the call.

author's note: Hey guys hope you like this chapter. Not much. Just Sarah's feelings and all but definitely vital. Keep commenting what you think and please vote. The comments help me out a lot... Thanks for all the support. Next update will be soon, hopefully. :) follow me...