Across waters.

Sixteen.

"YES!" Before accepting the ring I three myself onto Zak! I couldn't peel my lips off him! "Hey hey I don't wanna loose the ring babe" he chuckled "oh I'm sorry! Hahah" Zak slid the ring on my finger, it was a perfect fit. "Now, baby mama how about we go to the doctors and deal with the Bub and get a rough idea when it's born?" I melted at the idea of Zak holding our baby, I took his hand and off we went to the doctors. I started feeling a bit nauseous in the car, Zak drive slower so I wouldn't be sick in his car.

We waited patiently at the doctors, I saw other mums to be with their baby bumps and I couldn't wait to have mine. I was in a day dream when the doctor called up my name, Zak snapped me out of it and off we headed in. "So what can I do for you today?" The doctor had his paper and pen out ready, "well I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive, and obviously I wanna know how far along I am?" Before the doctor answered Zak piped up "well, how far along WE are" I giggled, the doctor took me to another room where he could look at the baby. There it was, a little foetus. Zak kissed my forehead and I could hear him all giddy and happy, it made me happier to know he was so excited! "You are 8 weeks" I looked over at Zak and he squeezed my hand in excitement but the doctor wasn't finished "your baby has an irregular heartbeat and you getting to your second trimester will be difficult to say the least" the doctor just sat there, with an emptiness look on his face, Zak letted go of my hand I didn't know what to do. I became restless and demanded to know what I could do! "There's not much you can, in 3 weeks you need to come back and we'll go from there."

We left the doctors in silence, no words where spoken and no looks where given. I felt so alone, we soon arrived home and Zak went straight to the dungeon, I stood at the front door while he quickly ran off. What a prick! I could feel the anger boiling up, I stormed straight down the dungeon and grabbed Zak and pushed him on the bed "what is your problem!? You're not the one carrying the baby!" Zak crumbled and began to cry, I felt like such a total bitch. "I wanted this Kay, I don't want it to vanish. You've been through enough and still you go through hell" I sat next to Zak "this is life, as you said we deal with demons all the time, but baby dealing it with you it gets a bit easier. God decides what happens, if this baby isn't suppose to live, I'm not going to force it. And if it does, he or she will be our little miracle. We will always love he or she, whatever happens." I took Zak up and cuddled him till he feel asleep.

Few weeks went by, I took 4 months leave from work, I needed time to deal with this all and help Zak through it. We had out doctors appointment today and I knew deep down in my heart the verdict, I was going to loose my precious little Bub. I did have an option to let it live but it wouldn't have been a pretty fight and no baby should have to suffer like that. Zak stayed in the waiting room, his mum came so he had someone to help him cope while I wasn't there. The doctor did one more test and was able to tell me the sex of my baby, a little boy. Zak and myself discussed baby boys names and we decided on James Zachary Bagans. I had smile on my face after knowing I would have a boy then the doctor let the bad news out "the baby is unfortunately dead. Are you ready to proceed?" I nodded, I was awake for the procedure, it was sad but I knew I was doing the right thing, my poor little James shouldn't suffer. In a matter of minutes it was all done.

I walked out emptier than I walked in. I saw Zak and I gave him the sad nod and he held his head in his hands. He got up and hugged me "we are in this together. I love you Kay" I gave him a kiss and off we went home. His mum left us to be alone and said she'd visit soon. Through both of us being positive and knowing we did the right thing we didn't really dwell on this, we knew he'd be happier. I told Zak that we where having a boy, he smiled from ear to ear "we still have our boy, his up above watching us" I couldn't believe how amazing he was "Zak, you being this positive is keeping me sane. I couldn't have done this without you. You are my rock." I sat on him on the couch and began to passionately fall into his lips. We couldn't have sex for 4 weeks due to the procedure so kissing was all we could do.

A brand new week, Zak was getting better he was starting his new season of GA and started new lockdown next week. The guy where coming over today for a little review on this season, Zak also wanted to tell them about what has happened. We kept quite from them because we wanted to deal with it straight away. The arrived and I made dinner and after we ate Zak told them, he held my hand and battled through it. The look of their faces where stunned, Ash and Aaron where starting to cry, Ash got up and hugged me "omg hun! If you need anything or wanna talk let me know! Holy shit babe!" I could feel their sadness but we made sure they knew it was for the best. After a big night we headed to bed, I knew the next morning Zak would be off again so we spent the night holding each other.

Morning came and it was as it normally is, chaotic. Zak busy finding clothes to pack, constant calls making sure equipment was all ready. The doorbell rang and I headed down to answer it, it was Aaron "hey Kay, I couldn't help but think about you guys so I had this made this morning" Zak came behind me and I opened it. It was a plaque with 'loving memory of our miracle, James Zachary Bagans' I started to cry and laid my head on Zak's shoulder. "Dude this is amazing." Zak moved and cuddled Aaron, it was nice to have such amazing support from these guys. I gave Zak a kiss and wished him well "I'll see you in 4 days" he jumped out of the car and picked me up "I love you! See you soon" he went back to the car and off they went.