My Father Is Who!?

Past

I run out the front doors of the hospital, my brain still in flight mode and jog to the car. My heart beating a million miles an hour. that's the most exercise I've done this week.

My phone vibrates as I struggle to unlock the car, it's Alan.

I left some things at Austin's, where's are you's??? No one is home

I hold my phone as my hands shake violently and reply to Alan as best as I could without dropping my phone, and it shows in the text... Badly.

We're a at the hhospital, austjn had a chevk up

Goddammit shaky hands.

You okay? Or did you not go to school often 😂

I manage to smile at his reply to my horrid texting,

Shaaky hands,, hospitals guve me anxiety 😅

Wheres auto correct when you actually need it?

Are you inside? Where at you? Would you like me to come over?

I'll be fin- I type before Alan interrupts sending another text,

On my way now.

I lean against the car and close my eyes and do breathing practices which my mum had taught me to do in situations like this.

Breath in through the nose, out through the mouth and hum Space Enough To Grow and before I know it Alan pulls up next to me.

"You doing okay, axel?" Says Alan hoping out of his car and jogging around the front,

"Did you already forget my name?" I say giggling,

"Shush, Axel" he says smiling at me and handing me a bottle of water, "is Austin still inside?"

I nod and try to keep the imagine off all those people staring at us and screaming in pain out of my head.

"I'll wait here with you," he says leaning against Austin's car with me.

"You didn't have to come out here," I say taking sips of water as my heart rate goes back to normal,

"It's alright, I don't mind because I had nothing else to do apart from wait for Austin," he says "and I didn't want you panicking on the side of the road by yourself."

"Austin said he'll be out soon, I would have been okay," I say taking another sip of water,

"So Austin hasn't really told me about your past," says Alan, "I don't want to be prude, but how'd you end up with us?"

My stomach tightens at the question, not because what he asked angers me, because it's too soon, but I decide to tell him anyway.

"My mum died in a car accident a little over a week ago," I say "Austin lost contact with mum before I was born, and the orphanage had managed to find his details. So, here I am." I say, holding back some tears, I miss my mum so bad.

"Now I wish I didn't ask," says Alan putting his arm around my shoulder,

"It's okay," I say wiping the tears from my eyes when Austin walks out of the hospital and sees us and starts to run,

"Why is she crying!?" He says coming over to me and staring at Alan,

"I just asked about her past," says Alan apologetically and I stand aside as austin grows agitated,

"Don't you think that's a little too soon? She's not even been with us a day!"

"Austin, it's okay," I say trying to calm the situation which is making my anxiety flare up again because I feel as though I have no control and that's what scares me.

"No it's not Alex, he should have been more careful,"

"Austin," I manage to yell through my tight chest and knot in my throat, "it's fine. He was only curious and I don't mind."

"Then why are you crying?" He asks and I watch Alan as he stands hopelessly hoping not to be disowned by Austin,

"Because you's are fighting!" I say, making Austin hush and Alan sigh with relief. "Can we just please, go home?" I ask rubbing my temples and trying not to make my anxiety worse as it already is.

I sit in the car next to Austin as we drive home in awkward silence, and I look in the rear view mirror and see Alan driving behind us rocking out in his car, I smile at him and Austin turns down the radio.

"I'm sorry for what happened back there," he says looking at me apologetically,

"It's alright, but just know, I can look after myself. I've been doing it my whole life." I say looking out my window and watching the buildings and people pass by. Mum was always working day and night shifts to support us, and to keep me happy.

"I'm new to this whole dad thing," says Austin, "I just don't want anything to happen to you."