My Father Is Who!?

Disappointment

We pull into Austin's drive way and find Tino on Austin's step and he smiles as we exit the car.

"Forgot something too?" I ask walking up to him,

"Came for a nap," he says casually, must be normal in this house hold, "hey, have you been crying?" He says inspecting my face.

"Don't ask," I say walking into the house, starting to get sick of everyone asking questions.

"She's got your attitude Austin," I hear him say from outside,

"I heard that," I yell as I walk up stairs and face plant on to my bed. I don't feel bad for acting the way I am. I need space, I don't need people's help, I am fine on my own and I don't want things to be handed to me without me working for them as if I'm useless.

I flip and lay on my stomach and stare at the roof, my life has changed so much. Moved schools, moved houses, lost my mum, found out my dad, and people care for me now.

"You alright?" Says Austin knocking and entering my room,

"People annoy me," I say, still laying on my back with my hands on my stomach,

"Same," says Austin chuckling and sitting on the end of my bed then going all serious "did something happen to make you upset?"

"You are all so accepting," I say after a few seconds of thoughts and Austin blinks at me confused, "I'm used of being pushed around, targeted, and left to fend for myself,"

"Tell me something Alex," says Austin, "are you happy here?"

Of course I'm happy, who wouldn't be happy living with their idol and favourite band Let's be honest here, but I am not used to this kind of lifestyle.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been, yet the most miserable." I say.

"What can we do to help?" Says Austin, "you're my responsibility now, and I want to make you feel loved and wanted."

"Can I be left alone for a little bit?" I say grabbing a pillow and sitting it on my face and I hear Austin exit the room "if you need anything, sing out."

Peace, finally.

I crawl under my sheets and my hand brushes against my arm where my fingers run over the bumps of my scars, I yank my fingers away and stare the black sheets.

I miss mum, I miss our old house, I miss my one and only friend from school who wasn't even that great of a friend, I barely tolerated her but she's all I had.

I fling the sheets off my bed, and make a loud thump as I walk to the bathroom.
I lock the door, the clicking noise the lock made bringing back memories of when I hid this from my mum.
I grab my leg razor and sit on the edge of the bathtub and hold it to my wrist, letting all my thoughts shine through. What if Austin catches me? He'll be so disappointed. But the urge to slice my own skin is there, just a few, that's all.

Just 3.

Just 4.

Just 5.

"Alex?" I hear Austin say, "are you okay in there? I head a loud thump and I came to see what had happened."

Shitshitshitshit.

I throw the razor across the bathroom at the wall where it falls to the ground in 3 pieces.

You've really messed things up this time Alex.

"Alex?" Says alan, he must be with Austin as well.

"Give me a second!" I yell a little too suspiciously and I hear banging on the door.

I panic and hold a face washer to my wrist, which quickly fills up with blood so I swap for another. This is bad, bad bad bad. How could I let this overcome me? I was doing so well, I'm so sorry mum.

The door flys open and Austin and Alan stand and stare. Their eyes flicking between me and the bloodied towel on the floor.

Disappointment, sadness, and anger is all I see when I look into their faces.