What You Seek, Will be Found (2)

Chapter 29

"Deep breaths Emma, deep breaths." Killian said slowly. He didn't know why Emma was freaking out in the first place.

She backed out of his grasp and went into her bedroom. She sat on the bed with her head in her hands. She decided to take her Neal problems away by doing homework.

After doing her homework, it was 11:00. She changed her clothes and brushed her teeth. Brennan and Killian were still out in the living room hovering over the iPad. She figured that it was going to be a while before Killian came to bed, but she had things to do the next day. She couldn't wait for her boyfriend to come to bed with her.

Emma laid down in the bed with her phone in her hands. It vibrated and she looked and saw it was a text.

'It's Elsa. Killian gave me your number.'

She breathed a sigh of relief. 'Hey.'

'I was wondering if you'd like to hang out after school.'

'Absolutely. I'm off of work anyway.'

'Great. You drive that yellow Volkswagen Beetle right?'

'Yep, that's me. See you tomorrow.'

'Bye Em. Sweet dreams.'

'Sweet dreams.'

She smiled to herself. Maybe college wasn't going to be as bad as she thought. She laid down and fell into a deep sleep filled with dreams.

Emma found herself walking to the edge of a lake. The water was a beautiful shade of blue that reminded her of Killian's eyes. She looked into the water and her reflection was staring back at her. Her hair was in a bun and had beads, clips, and pins all in it to make it sparkly and beautiful, yet still graceful. She looked down at her outfit and was wearing a long and puffy wedding dress. She felt a hand on her shoulder, so she spun around and her father's hand lay lightly on it.

"Emma, it's time." He said. He helped her up onto her feet. "You look stunning."

"Daddy?" She asked. Tears pricked her eyes. "Is that really you?"

He nodded. "I'm right here Em. There is nothing to worry about."

She hugged her father tightly. "I love you dad. Please don't leave me. I'm sorry for what I did to you. Your death is all my fault. If I hadn't told Killian about the email then you would be alive."

David pulled away. "Let's get you down the aisle." He said holding out his arm.

She threaded her arm into his and they walked down the red carpet. Killian stood at the alter with his fingers laced in front of him. She looked around and everyone she knew was there. Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, Jack, Aurora, Phillip, Ruby, Regina, Victor, Robin, Graham, her mother, Killian's parents, and even Liam were all sitting in the front row. David led her to Killian, but before handing her off to him, he looked at his daughter.

"You're right. It is all your fault." He said.

Emma looked around and everyone was staring at her and chanting the same thing.

"Your fault." They said.

"How can you live with yourself?" Ruby asked making her way towards Emma.

"You're a monster." Regina said.

"Who else are you going to hurt?" Killian asked coming up behind her.

"Your fault." Everyone continued to say.

Emma shook her head. Tears fell out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"

Her eyes opened. Her heart was racing, she was sweating, her hands were shaking. Killian was sleeping soundly next to her. His arm was on her stomach in a protective way. Her mind processed where she was and she flipped the covers off of her removing Killian's hand with the bundle of sheets and blankets. He sat up abruptly and looked around blindly.

"I have a weapon!" He yelled.

His eyes got use to the darkness and he saw Emma sitting up hugging herself.

"Swan?" He asked.

"It's my fault." She whispered.

"Emma, snap out of it. It was just a dream love."

Emma shook her head. "No it wasn't. It's the truth. They're dead and its my fault."

"Your parents aren't upset with you."

She nodded. "Yes they are."

He turned her around so she was facing him. "They are not! They loved you and they still do. Go back to sleep."

"The nightmares will come back."

Killian saw how much these dreams were tormenting her. Hurting her. Making her feel like she was going crazy. He tugged her back into a laying position and hugged her tightly. He sang softly in her ear. Sweet lullabies lulled her to sleep again.

In the morning, Emma woke up tired. Her dreams were so real that it wasn't letting her rest while she slept. Getting a gallon of coffee in her system, she left the building and hopped in her car. She waited for Killian to come out and they were off to school.

"How did you sleep last night, love?" He asked.

She shook her head. "It doesn't feel like I slept at all."

"I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

"Unless you can make me not guilty about my parents' death or take my mind away from Neal, there is nothing you can do."

He sighed. They pulled up to the school and headed to class. Emma met up with Elsa in the back of the classroom.

"Emma, you look like shit." Elsa said.

"Thanks Elsa. You didn't need to sugar coat it." Emma said sarcastically.

"Seriously, what's wrong?"

Emma sighed and told her the story of her past with Neal, and what he did to her parents and what he is doing now. She held back tears recalling a few of the memories. Elsa looked at her with sadness in her eyes.

"Wow. Em, if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know." Elsa said giving her a hug. "I'm glad you trust me to keep your secret."

Emma nodded. She glanced over at Killian and he was balancing a pencil on his fingers. "I know Killian cares, but he doesn't understand what I'm going through. Elsa, my parents died because of what I did. I feel so bad and I don't know what to do. I feel like their blood is on my hands."

"I put my sister in danger once. We got into a fight and it was during the winter, so ice and snow was everywhere. I pushed her under an icicle and at that moment, it decided to fall. It grazed her neck and gave her a severe cut. If she would have stumbled or if I would have pushed her harder, I would have killed her. I live with that guilt everyday."

"But you didn't and she is still alive."

"But it still haunts me and hurts me. We will help each other get better." Elsa gave Emma a small smile and she returned it.

"Okay. Thank you."

Emma looked at Killian again and he was on his phone. She felt hers buzz in her pocket and it was her boyfriend that was sitting a few feet away from her.

'I love you, Swan. You look very nice today.'

She looked up at him and he was smiling at her.

'I love you too.'

And she meant it. With all her heart. With what all she was.