Adison's POV:
The act of violence he just conducted on me doesn't seem give him the need to apologize, even when he looks down on me and sees the crippling emotional, and physical pain that overwhelms me. The Shawn I used to know, before we lost the baby, before he was stressed beyond belief, would never even think to do something as disgusting and shocking as to hit me. He's not even bitten by remorse at the awful act that people look down upon, and shame.
Yet, even with all the pain coursing through my blood and the hurt he has caused, it is all for me to learn a lesson. I don't want him living with someone that needs constant teachings of what to do, so to avoid this I'll become plainly submissive and take the beatings until I figure out what ticks him.
He does this because he loves me.
He's trying to make me a better person, and I need to give him credit for it. I am not one to learn quickly.
It's my fault I couldn't keep the baby, it's my fault he'll never live a happy life, as far as i'm concerned everything brutal that has happened has been all my fault. Why can't I just learn to do something right?
As these thoughts run through my head at a lightning speed, I pull myself off the floor and look around me, only to find that shawn has gone into another room, and I'm still silently crying, trying not to make too much of a scene of myself.
The thoughts of how we used to be madly in love, and so kind to one another, break my heart. Now, he's just fed up with me, not wanting to put up with any bull shit I carry.
Everything was so different.
I was just ignoring the fact that something was wrong, that he no longer was in the happy place he was once in. Maybe it was the stress of going to school, taking care of me, and his haunting past that made him crack, but now everything about him screams his father.
"What do I do?" I whisper to myself, wiping my hand across my face and my melting makeup, "he didn't tell me how to fix it, how to fix what I did wrong? I can't fix it." minutes go by of just me being lost and hopeless, standing like a lost puppy in my kitchen.
"I'm sorry," i say loud enough so it echoes through the house, praying that he heard me, that I've learnt my lesson and that I will try harder not to get in his way, like I've done so many times before.
i suddenly see his broad figure stand up from the couch in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen, and make his way towards me, the silent pathetic crying i was doing becomes wails and sobs.
"There's nothing to be sorry about babygirl," he says hugging me, causing a war to erupt from deep within me, "we all need to learn sometimes, it takes time."
The touch he posses instantly relaxes me from my worked up state, but confusing me all at the same time, leaving me with out knowing what to do.
"I love you," i blurt out, sounding more as if i'm convincing myself than reassuring him.
"and i love you too Adison, just remember that."
_____________________________________________________________________________________~why does shawn have to be like this papi
~Leah
