Adison's POV:
Isolation is slowly becoming a haunting friend, following me around our house, making the wooden box seem smaller and smaller everyday I'm kept here. Shawn's episode of a good day, was something I hoped would last, but sure enough I woke up to see him sitting on the couch, in his work clothes, holding a beer with blood shot eyes.
"Shawn?" my voice is barely a whisper and the faint heartedness my voice possesses makes me shiver in shame of myself. I shouldn't even bother with the task of approaching someone this unstable.
He languidly looks from the beer label to the TV, shining the morning news.
"They don't know what they're talking about," Shawn uses his free hand to motion toward the TV, while I just swallow nervously, not sure where this conversation will go.
"I'm not sure if I know what you mean," I softly squeak, my breath still unsteady and my hands shaking, I take a seat right next to him, not daring to get any closer like leaning on his shoulder, not knowing if that's a trigger of his.
Living on my toes like this is awful, and makes me long for something we used to grip. Things like kisses on cheeks and romantic moments don't exist in this twisting world of ours, but yet I still manage to remain deeply in love with him.
Shawn has been, for the longest time, the light of my life, my reasoning, and the purpose of my existence. I never thought I'd be depending on someone so deeply and heavily. Never thought I could be kept under such a strong spell of love. As a little girl I dreamed and craved the falling in love moment that is captured on movie screens, and now that I have it, it's not something I just can lose hope in. Although the beginning sweetness no longer exists between the two of us, I know he loves me, and everything he does is for my own good and to take care of me.
A common theme of why he gets physical in such an unloving way is that he claims I'm not good with change, and what scares me the most is I don't think I ever will be. Sitting so close to him, almost makes me forget the fact that every time we're caught yelling he throws objects and punches, getting more and more aggressive every single time.
"I mean," he interrupted my overwhelming thoughts, running his hand through the brown locks, and taking a thoughtful swig of his beer, "I mean they always make the world out to be some damn happy paradise place," he scoffs, pressing the end of his palm to his red eyes, "but it doesn't exist."
His words were drawn out and slurred, making me have to think a little to actually understand the word he struggled to say. I don't remember him leaving the bed during the night, he went and laid down with me and held me til I slept, and I'm still finding it hard to believe he let himself get like this again. After all he said and all he promised nothing has changed.
"Of course it can," I weakly smile, trying to uselessly convince him that such things exist.
"It can't," his jaw clenches in sudden anger, instantly making me scoot away subtly, "You're just too fucking stupid to see it."
The words rolled off his tongue as if it's perfectly fine to say such things to someone you're supposed to love, and burning hot tears steam in my eyes.
"I'm going...." he grabs his head as he stands up swaying, "to uh work and don't leave while I'm gone."
I just nod at the ground, knowing that there's not point in trying to fight this.
"I enjoyed last night," I mumbled, more to myself than anything.
"Don't expect shit like that again," he leans on the arm of the couch, looking as if he's going to be sick, I try my hardest not to look hurt and concerned, "Don't get the impression you're some damn princess I just didn't have my whisky last night. You forgot to buy more."
I know these words are supposed to rip through me and get me so mad and done with everything to the point of where I'm in tears but then again...
why would I? why would I expect something so wonderful?
_____________________________________________________________________________________~This is hard because I want to write the most amazing things I can for all of you but I come up with shit like this and i'm trying my hardest to publish things that keep you interested.
~Leah
