Shawn's POV:
"Are you okay?" Madeline's sweet voice echoes in my ear, as I stare out the window zoning out, placing myself in another world.
"hm?" I take my gaze from out the car window and place it to her's. The way she's gripping the steering wheel shows how tense she is, and how deep in wonder her thoughts are.
"You seem different and I wanted to make sure you were okay, maybe it's just because you're sober." Maddie giggles at her own words, maybe out of amazement, or out of thinking that can't be true. If I'm being honest I don't remember the last time I was this sober.
"Maddie?" I change the subject, not sure how to respond to her question. For sure I'm not okay, my stomach is turning and everything I stand for sickens me. All that keeps replaying in my mind is the cruel way I let myself treat Adison, and her limp body. I shiver, trying not to hurl in the front seat of the Woman I've been having an affair with for months now.
"Yes Shawn?" She asks this innocently, reminding me of all the times Adison has tried to sound just like that to try and not get on my nerves, or make me crack, and yet I never appreciated how nice she tried being.
"How long do you think we can keep doing it, I-," taking a deep breath I close my eyes, seeing how I can word this correctly, "I-don't think it's right."
"Bullshit," She deadpans, clearly ticked off by what I said, "because Shawn if you really believed this was wrong you wouldn't have gotten in my car, and screwed me all those countless nights, and left Adison so confused, so don't even try to dish something like that out right now."
My blood boils with intense anger targeted at myself, it all is at myself. I am putting two girls through hell, and if to not make things worse, I miss one with all my heart.
Maddie's first impression beauty put me under some spell and made me want countless nights spent with just lust, and that's what I did, but Adison is worth so much more than drunken sex and flirty text messages. She's actually worth my time, and my thought, but It's disgusting to know what I've done to her.
None of it could ever be forgiven either, any of it.
"I'm realizing things I didn't see before Maddie, you don't understand," I try pleading with her, attempting to make her understand, but at this point there's nothing I can say to make this situation turn out the way I'd like it to.
"Like what?" she scoffs, sounding choked up on her words, "realizing that you love her? you don't think I didn't hear the screaming?"
My chest instantly caves in, a heart wrenching pain taking over, and I let out some sort of strangled sob, but I quickly stop myself. I couldn't even imagine how horrifying that must've sounded.
I breathe out heavily and I stare out the window, enduring the deafening silence that falls between us. Probably 15 minutes must've gone by when I see that she has pulled up to her apartment complex, and she's holding two red solo cups and whiskey.
"We can forget about this," Maddie sweetly puts her hand on my cheek to try and comfort me, "I won't make you the bad guy because lets face it, the bitch probably deserved it."
She takes a sip of her whiskey and closes her eyes to enjoy the flavor, while I'm sitting here choking on air.
"Maddie," I sigh, resting my cheek into the palm of her hand, instantly being relaxed by her touch, "please," I begin to start begging, fighting a war with myself. The only way I know how to deal with pain is drinking, it makes me forget everything.
"When was the last time you've had good whiskey?" She leans in and brings her lips to my neck, drawing lines of hickies, my breath being let out as I lull my head to the side, giving in.
"hmm shawn? that shitty bar you go to?" She mumbles against my neck as she places her hand on my thigh, going upwards, knowing what makes me weak.
I just nod, her being right, the whiskey she has is something I've been wanting for a while, but the lips on my neck feel so wrong, so out of place, I feel dangerous.
"Then here," Maddie hands me a cup and starts chugging her own, staring at me with a hint of encouragement.
A look that says...
do it, you've done it millions of times before, no one's stopping you.
And I did, I did do it, I drunk the burning substance away, along with my life, along with Adison, along with her.
_____________________________________________________________________________________~BOOOOOOO get off of wattapad!!!!!!!!
~Leah
