The World is Ugly, But You're Beautiful to Me. (Frerard)

『❶⑥』

On the way to the hospital, Gerard and I sat in the back together. I ran a hand through his hair as he rested his head on my shoulder and held onto my free hand as if it was the only thing keeping him from floating into the sky. I could feel him shaking, and knew he was nervous about the whole situation. And secretly, even though he would never admit it, I feel he found himself at fault for all of it. Because of me. Because of us. Because of what we are together.

My thoughts came to a halt as the car stopped, and I noticed we were in front of the hospital. We stepped out of the car, Gerard still keeping his grip on me. Mikey walked in front of us, leading us into the hospital and up to the floor their dad was roomed in.

Once we got to the room, I backed away from both of them, disconnecting mine and Gerard's hands. "Go ahead, I'll wait out here" I told him, smiling so he wouldn't try to stay with me. Gerard looked unsure, but nodded, and went in with Mikey.

I sighed, then let my legs carry me down to the Starbucks on the first floor of the hospital. I would be lying if I said I wasn't extremely nervous about coming to the hospital with them. Knowing their parents were here scared the shit out of me, and I really didn't want to make anything worse for Gerard. I want him to be able to go home if he wants to without too much stress.

I ordered my coffee, then waited for them to call my name. Luckily, it was a slow day, and I got my order quicker than usual. I went to sit at one of the booths they had in the store, laying my head down on the table. I was an absolute wreck, and I have no idea why I'm so upset about it all. I probably would've been just as stressed if Gerard told me to stay at school though, so it's not like that mattered. I know I've kinda lived in this delusional perfect world with Gerard this week, but I just don't want everything crashing around us. We're just two fucking crazy kids, I know, but god, does he makes me happy.

I sipped a little of my coffee, looking out the window near my booth towards the parking lot. I was about to get lost in even more thoughts of Gerard until I heard a voice speak to me.

"Frank?" Gerard's mom questioned. I turned to meet her gaze, and smiled nervously.

"Hello, Mrs. Way" I greeted, trying not to appear as if I was the one at fault for tearing up their family. She returned the smile, but it looked uncomfortable.

"So I suppose that means Gerard is here?" She asked me, and I nodded.

"Well, Mikey is too. They both were really worried about Mr. Way, and I came just for support. I know I shouldn't be here, and it's kinda a bad time-"

"No, it's alright, I hold nothing against you, Frank" Donna interrupted me, and sat in the booth across from me. We sat in silence, both of us taking awkward sips of our coffees and avoiding eye contact. I had to break the thickness in the air before I suffocated in it.

"Y'know, uh, Gerard's been alright. I think he really wants to go home, though. He won't admit it, but he cherishes you guys" I told her, still not staring directly at her. But, from the side of my vision, I could see a faint smile on her face.

"That's nice to hear, we've all been a bit worried for him. I mean, we're just hoping he'll get over all this soon" She said, and that set me off a bit.

"Get over this, or get over me?" I asked her, and she looked taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean this in the most respectful way, but Mrs. Way, your son is attracted to men. I'm actually not sure of his exact sexuality, it's possible he could feel just the same for women as well, but he has romantic feelings for men. He's just the same Gerard though, both in his geeky references and his stupid puns; the only difference from what you knew him as and what he really is, is that he's dating me, someone who's the same sex as him. I know, I probably won't be the last person he dates, I've always had that in my mind, but that does not mean his sexuality is a phase. It is part of what makes Gerard, whether you accept that or not. I am so appreciative for you raising him to be as wonderful as he is, but you will lose him if you cannot accept him as he is" I ranted, breathing deep as I finished and looked towards Gerard's mom.

She was still in utter shock, and she seemed as if she wanted to speak, but couldn't move her lips to form words. I stood from the table, and picked up my coffee.

"Please don't think bad of me, and have a wonderful day, Mrs. Way" I said to her before leaving the café, going up to where Gerard and Mikey's father was roomed again.

When I got to the door of his room, I noticed Gerard leaning against the wall near it. His face looked scared, and he was shaking.

"Is everything alright?" I spoke out to him. He looked up at me like a deer caught in headlights, then ran over to me. Almost immediately, he attached our lips. We kissed in the middle of the hospital hallway, the smell of medicine and impending death mixing with Gerard's intoxicating scent. The kiss was passionate, and deep, and full of feelings both of us were too scared to say yet. But at the same time, it was a kiss full of pain, and regret.

A kiss that felt like a plane colliding with the ocean.

"Frank," Gerard spoke, removing his lips after what felt like eternity yet not long enough for me. He was sobbing now, and he was so close that his tears dropped to my face. "I-I don't think we can do this anymore."

And with those words, I knew we were crashing.

~

After Mikey finished talking with their dad, we left the hospital. Gerard sat in the front this time around, not looking back at me. I guess he was going back home tonight. Mikey tried putting on the radio, but the static in my mind drowned out any type of peace. None of us spoke to each other as Mikey drove me down my street and to my house. He stopped the car in front of my lawn, and I quickly stepped out of the car. Gerard was sniffling still from the hospital, but besides that he didn't utter a sound. Mikey did for once, though.

"See you at school, Frank" Mikey said to me.

"Yeah, maybe" I told him, trying to bring my lips up in a smile. He waved goodbye, then they drove off. I walked up my lawn and to my door, opening it. As soon as I got inside, I immediately smelled something cooking in the kitchen. My mom must've gotten off early.

I was too exhausted to think about that too much though, as I collapsed to the ground in front of the entrance door of our house. I stared blankly off at my ceiling as Gerard's voice boomed in my mind.

"I don't think we can do this anymore."

"Frank honey, is that you?" My mom spoke, but her voice was like the radio, and quickly got blocked out.

Full realization came to me at what those words meant.

I couldn't hold Gerard anymore, I couldn't call him when I was afraid, I couldn't kiss him like he was my oxygen source, I couldn't walk with him to school, I couldn't be with him at all.

Gerard had broken up with me.

If not broken up, then he certainly wanted to take a break from me. All the fantasy that I dreamed over our relationship buried itself in the ground, and reality weeded out.

"Where's Gerard? Frank? What's wrong?" My mother spoke again.

I felt my eyes leak, and before I knew it my dam was broken and rivers flowed out of my eyes. I cried, loud, obnoxiously, and definitely ugly. My mom immediately enveloped me in a hug, shushing softly.

"Franky, please, speak to me".

But I couldn't. I could only cry.

Cry, and cry, and cry.

・・・

a/n:
i aM SO SORRY.
Pls don't hate me; ily, and I didn't want to do this
just as much as you didn't want me to.
But this story needs essence.
thank you all so much for reading!
and I hope you all had a great holiday season!

xoolives. ♡