Thug Life is the Life To live

Facing Reality

LALA POV

*2 weeks later*

So its been 2 weeks since i slept with Quay. To be honest im so ashamed. I haven't left my house since the day he kicked me out. I cant even explain to you how much i regret smoking that night. I just wanted to get high enough to balance my lows ya know. My life was already a living hell. I just wanted to forget about all my problems and have a little fun.

Well, let me tell u a little bit about myself. Im 16 and my full name is Jayla Monae Marshall. Everyone calls me lala though. When i was real young i found out my mother had lung cancer. After that she lived for about 6 months then she passed. I was right by her side when she took her last breaths. Even though i was only 6 years old when it all happened ill never forget her last words. She looked at me and said "baby, mommy loves you with all her heart, its time for me to go and be with the lord now but i want you to keep this. Always remember that nothing in this world comes easy to you. If you want something you have to go and get it yourself. Now mama wants you to be a big girl. Look after yourself as best as you can and ill be looking over you babygirl. Mommys going to be with the angles now" She smiled at me and took a deep breath.. "I will always love you Jayla Monae Marshall, and ill always be with you in your heart." She closed her eyes and drifted off into a new place. Somewhere where she wasn't sick anymore. A place where she didn't have to suffer. Lord knows i miss my mama but i know that shes at peace.

I held the locket necklace she gave me that day and just starred at it. I let a few tears fall then i put it back around my neck. If she was here she wouldn't want to see me like this. She would want to see me make better choices. I let a few tears fall again. I knew mama was watching my every move. I don't want to disappoint her anymore. I just want do right but im a fuck up! No one likes me! Im a failure. I mean seriously. I gave my virginity to a boy who i only knew for a couple of hours. I hate myself! I hate my life! I ran downstairs to the basement. Found the biggest rope i could find and ran back upstairs to my room. I wrote a quick note and left it on my bed. I tied one end of the rope to my ceiling fan and then tied the other end around my neck. I opened my locket necklace and took one last look at the picture inside of it. I closed my eyes and prepared myself to step off the stool that was under me. That was the only thing keeping me from hanging from the ceiling fan and choking to death. Oh god im sorry. I started having flashbacks of my life. I saw my dad and my 2 little sisters. I saw my dogs and all my friends. I saw quay and the way he through me out. I saw myself rolling a blunt for the very first time. It was like my life was flashing in front of my eyes. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I just wanted to be with mama. I kicked the stool from under me. U WAS GOING TO BE WITH MAMA.

SHY POV

It was 2:35 and i had just finishing washing myself and baby Trey up. Today was the day i was going to get to see TreKel again. My day was going so good so far. I woke up to a smiling baby and he hasn't even cried once. I made breakfast for me and my mom this morning and she was so pleased. She even offered to keep baby Trey this weekend so i could go out and have fun. I was so excited because thats the first time shes ever offered to watch him. Even before summer started when i was at school she made me bring him because there was a daycare there and she said she wasn't going to watch him for. Thanks ma! Maybe i should start making breakfast more often i said playfully. "Haha yeah well dont count on me as an all the time babysitter but making breakfast more often just may help you out." I laughed and went to the sit and the living room. About five minutes later my dad walked in. "Hey, babygirl hows it going?" Hey daddy! I said running up to him and jumping in his arms as if i was a toddler again. Its going great! "Haha, well thats good honey.. Im happy your cheerful today." Me too i said with the biggest smile on my face. He just laughed at me and went to go sit with my mom in the kitchen. I loved my dad so much. I was a daddy's girl allllllllllll the way. When i got pregnant he was very disappointed in me and i thought he was going to kick me out or disown me but he didn't. Instead he encouraged me to do better for myself and my son. He was everything to me that Tony wasn't to Tremaine. It made me feel better to know that at least my baby will have his grandfather to look up to.