I Didn't Give a Shit.. Until I Met Him

I Didn't Give a Shit.. Until I Met Him (7)

I was walking to Jake's house and just remembered that my car was at Derek's house, I really wanted it but Im going now and I have no gas. I know where Jake lives but it's quite a walk.

Should I tell Jake what happened? Only if he asks. Actually I should just lie and say something like my house burned down and they're going to repare it. Yeah, im just going to use that and if he asks why I'm leaving after a few days i'll just say I hired extremely good people to repair my house.

I didn't even have a change of clothes, and there is no way im going to my house right now to get them. It's going to be really hard entering that place again but i'm going to have to. I can only stay at Jake's for a few days then where am I going to go? How can I even enter my house knowing a murder happened inside? And not just any murder, my moms murder. But I have to, i have no other options.

What about Derek? A stupid voice in my head said.

There is no way i'm staying at Derek's mansion. No way. I can't.

How am I going to get food? I have no money. Im going to have to get a job. But what place will hire me? I have an extremely short attention span and i'm a mess.

Maybe Derek could help me? Ya right, he walked away, I know I asked him to but he walked away. That's what Dan did, that's what my dad did. Everyone walks away from me, im not worth a hassle. Im not someone who can make someone happy. And i will never ask Derek for everything, I hate to depend on someone for years I only depended on myself and i'm not going to change that now. I'm going to be forever alone and nobody could change that.

I walked into the middle if the road ignoring the honks from cars and the shouting from drivers. I hate using the pedestrian area to walk across the road, it takes forever to signal you can walk across and I don't have that kind of time or patience.

How was I going to face Derek at school? Wait.. I don't have to, no one can kick me out of the house because no one is in my house. I don't have to go to school. I don't have to waste my time with that shit.

'But honey you should really finish your education, you only have 3 months left. Get a highschool diploma'

Wait, that wasn't my thought, I don't call myself honey. I looked around to see if there was some creeper talking to me that could read my thoughts. There was no one around.

'Who is this?' I asked myself inside my head and felt stupid doing it. I must be halucinating, or in this case halucithinking.

'Honey it's me'

Oh My God, i've officially gone insane.

'It's your mom sweety'

'Mom? I thought you were dead?'

'I am but im playing the role of your conscience'

'Oh' I didn't know if this was real or not, I mean it is a conversation inside my head. I still think im going crazy.

'Listen, finish school and let Derek tutor you, he's a great guy and he really fancies you. Do this for me, I want to see you graduate. I love you Alex'

'But mom?'

No one answered. She was gone. Again. She loved me? Did she love me all this time? Then why was he a bitch sometimes? I didn't even get a chance to tell her I love her. Did I love her? Well she is my mother.

I know im going to regret thinking and doing this, but I am going to finish school. Yup, im crazy. For some strange reason I really feel my mom will be proud of me and really wants me to do this, and because it's my fault she died I have to do this for her.