I Didn't Give a Shit.. Until I Met Him

I Didn't Give a Shit.. Until I Met Him (10)

"Yes...okay....Mm Hmm... I understand... of course... I will....Okay... Bye Officer" I hung up on Officer Pete as he called to inform me about a bunch of crap. They call me almost everyday, they think I'm going to commit a murder, I'm not like my dickhead father.

I honestly forgot what day it is today. Is it Friday or Saturday? I'm going to say it's Saturday so I don't have to go to school. Everything in my life has just been going upside down for me, and my life was already upside down. I can never sleep at night. I don't know what day it is or what time it is and I honestly don't care. I don't do anything anymore, I don't even eat. For some reason, I just can't do anything, it's like whoever or whatever was keeping me going just left. But nothing keeps me going, the only thing that does is the fact that I can never properly kill myself. Maybe it was my mom, yeah that's probably it.

Derek was true to his word and never said a word to me. It has been three days since that incident. He would occasionally look at me, but when I caught him he looked away. He always had a sad expression on his face, but he usually was a generally happy person. Was not talking to me really making him sad? Of course not. He's probably happy on the inside, but just acting like he's sad.

Jake, Jack and John left the country to do something, I never really paid attention, just nodded my head. So I officially have no one, and I couldn't be more happier. Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm miserable but I always was. This doesn't change anything. It just makes matter's worse.

I kept thinking about that little boy. There was something about him that reminded me of Derek. Of course it was his piercing blue eyes, but there was something else.

The alarm clock suddenly went off. I checked it and it was Friday. Fuck. I didn't want to go to school and face Derek once again. Of course I can face him, but I can't deal with that sad expression he has all the time.

***

I walked down the crowded halls of my school, to get to my locker.

"MOVE!" I yelled and pushed the guy in front of me who was way too slow. He fell on the floor but that's he deserved it. He should know better than to walk as slow as a snail in the hallway.

The day went by fast. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I saw Derek in my gym class with that same sad expression on his face. It was now lunch, and I was walking to my car to do whatever I felt like doing right now. Right before I got to my car I saw from the corner of my eye a group of guys walking towards the school entrance. I quickly glanced back at them and immediatly locked eyes with Derek for a bit, until I turned away. I just can't look at him like that, and it's all my fault. I somehow turned this happy nice guy into someone sad. He didn't deserve to be sad.

Do you even hear what you're thinking, Alex?

Yes I do. And I can't believe it. I always hope the worst for someone and sometimes I deliver that. But now, I'm saying that he doesn't deserve to be sad. Everyone does because everyone has done shit at some point. But Derek probably hasn't.

What the fuck are you saying Alex? He has done shit to you.

Oh ya he is. I am I like blinded by love or something? I chuckled to myself. Me Alex James blinded by love? Ya right. I don't love anyone. I don't believe in love, everyone changes, you may love someone but in a while they will change and not be the person you fell in love with. Take my parents for example, I know for sure that my dad today isn't the man my mom fell in love with. I remember her telling me stories of how dad used to be so clueless and oblivious to everything. He had horrible grades and was failing his class and then my mom got assigned to be his tutor, and they hit off from there. Aparently, my dad had a way with the ladies, they were always after him, and mom tried to compete with them. I wonder what those ladies will think when they see this Bill James. The man who murdered his own wife, I just can't get that out of my head. My dad has done horrible things, but to murder the woman you once loved? That's unbelievable, and I'm saying that.