The secret

The New Year

Me and Elliot haven't really spoke about what happened on New Year's Eve. We haven't ignored each other. We just haven't spoke about it. He has been staying at my place since what happened. He says he wants to protect me. That's okay with me because he treats me like a Queen. He brings me breakfast in bed. Rubs my back. Brings me drinks. I don't do anything myself anymore.
I'm still on leave until the defence has built a strong case with the evidence. Melinda got the DNA from my underwear. But they want me to go in and make statements. I really don't want to. But I know I have to.
"Morning Liv" I hear Elliot's voice as I open my eyes.
"Morning" I say.
He is sitting in the edge of my bed with a coffee.
"Oh, thanks" I say taking it off him.
"Liv, are you ready for today?" He asks with concern written all over his face.
"Yeah, I have to I suppose" I say
"I can call Cragen, tell him you need another day?" He asks.
"No, If I keep putting it off it will just get harder to do" I say
"Okay. I'll leave you to get ready" he says.

When we arrive at the precinct I hesitate to get out of the car. I take a deep breath and walk over to the elevator. We stand there. Elliot by my side. I look down at his hand. I grab it, unsure of his reaction. He squeezes it and looks over to me with that heart melting smile. I smile back. The elevator stops and we walk out, still holding my hand.
We walk into the squad room. I see people looking. I squeeze his hand tighter.
"It's okay" he says as he looks down at me with his ocean blue eyes. "You ready?"
"Yeah" I say.
I need to go and identify the man.
I walk into the room. I feel tears forming in my eyes. I can't cry. Not here. Not in front of everyone. I clear my throat and look up. I see him. Standing there. So smug. I know he can't see me, but he is staring me dead in the eyes. I instantly feel sick. I can't breathe.
"Four" I say with out hesitation "It's Number four"
"You did great Liv" el says.
Capt knocks the window four times.
We walk out of the room and into capts office. I tell them everything. Re living all of the memories, the pain, the torture. I tell them how he violated me. Just like Harris did. I told people Harris didn't rape me, but he did. He raped me in that basement. I managed to gather my clothes and run, then he handcuffed me then Finn found me. Finn knows he beat me, but he doesn't know what happened before he saved me. I'm taking that secret to the grave.

"Thank you. Liv I know that was hard. But the worst is over. Liv you survived. You did the right thing by coming forward" cap says as I leave his office.

When we get back to my apartment we sit in the couch. I get a film from my cabinet. I put it in the DVD player.
"What we watching?"
"Final destination 4" I say.
"No Liv please! Can we watch something else. Please I'm not in the mood!" He says. He's never been a horror fan!
"Fine but you owe me. I was looking forward to watching this!"
I take the DVD out and put it back in the case. I pick another and put it on the player.
"What is it?" He asks suspiciously.
"Titanic. Oh my god I hate this and love it at the same time!" I say putting it in the player.
I join him on the couch.
"I've never seen this. Is it good?" He asks.
"Oh my god you've never seen titanic!? It's amazing!" I say.

When the film comes to an end I look over at Elliot and see that he has tears in his eyes. He blinks and they roll down his cheeks. I wipe them with my sleeve and laugh.
"I didn't know that Mr big manly Elliot Stabler would cry at a film!" I say.
He looks over to me.
"If that was us, I would save you" I say.
"I know you would, but I wouldn't let you. I'd want you to be safe" he replies.
"I know. But I wouldn't let you down or freeze. I would share the raft with you" I reply. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. I look away from him. I feel him gently touch my face and turn it towards his. "I know" he whispers.
He gently presses his lips on mine. Our lips lock again. The kiss becomes more intense. We both stand up not breaking the kiss. He grabs my hand and leads me to the bedroom. I follow him. I lay down on the bed.
He kneels over me. He unbuckles my belt and pulls down my pants. He then Unbuckles his belt...
"No please stop. Get off me!" I say kicking him.
"Liv it's okay. It's just me. It's just Elliot" he says climbing off of me. He sits beside me.
"I'm sorry. I over reacted" I say.
"No liv, you didn't . I'm sorry I pushed you. Again! I'm sorry. Your obviously not ready" he says.
"I am, it's just. When you climbed over me, it's just reminded me. Im sorry"
"Liv it's not your fault, stop apologising" he says.
He kisses my forehead.
"It's late, we should get some sleep" he says. He gets up and goes to walk out.
"No el. Please stay with me" I say.
"Okay" he says.
He takes off his shirt and climbs in.
We lie down and he wraps his arm around me and we fall asleep.