Keeping My Distance

nineteen

EDITED

I wake up a handful of hours later, a feeling bubbling inside of me. I felt content, for the first time in a while.

I look to my left, and see Stefan's sleeping next to me, silent and peaceful.

My heart hammers in my chest as I think about how heated things got last night before we went to sleep. We didn't have sex, but we definitely explored each others bodies. Getting to know the others ticks and sweet spots. We could've spent forever learning every millimeter of one another.

Thoughts cloud my brain.

Kol was such a complicated and dark person, I love him still. Darkness and all. He was powerful and demanding, true to his manic title in the family. He loved me fiercely, and recklessly. No questions or doubts about it. He wanted me and he went for it, right off the bat.

Stefan was iridescent, like a ball of light. Sure he has his own dark past, but he is not complex. He is fun and easy to be around. He has no impending darkness about him, he tries every day to be a better man than the last. He has a goodness inside of him despite the darkness, like Kol. And he has strong feelings for me.

I'm still not sure about anything, but right now being next to Stefan feels like home. And I haven't felt that way about anything since Kol.

There is some good in this world, and that is worth fighting for.

Stefan shifts in his sleep, so he's on his back now. I lean up on my elbows, scooting closer to him in bed. I want to look at his face like I did that one time, I want to study his features.

I close my eyes and when I open them I'm not in Stefan's bed or room anymore. I'm in a vision.

"I'm sorry, I thought we were in this together, Stefan," I tell him from spot across the parlor room.

I have a glass of what appears to be blood in my hands, and I drink from it.

Stefan looks up at me from his spot in front of the fire place,

"We can't be in this together. Not if we want to move on, Evelyn."

I shake my head and sit beside him,

"What happened to us?"

"So many lies, that's what happened," Stefan responds bitterly.

I sigh sadly,

"I still love you."

Stefan looks over at me, his eyes hold a deep sadness about them,

"I know, I still love you too."

I close my eyes, opening them to find myself back in bed with Stefan. His eyes now open, looking at my face with curious eyes.

"What are you looking at?" He asks me, unsure of my facial expression.

It must look concerned, I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Did you not just have that vision with me? Where we were both in the parlor room?" I ask him, furrowing my eyebrows.

Stefan yawns and shakes his head, his eyes holding more questions for me now,

"No, what did you see?"

I decide to with hold the contents of the actual vision. Stefan doesn't need to know that we end up breaking up after all of this between us. However long we last, it appears to be awhile.

"Just another cute vision of us being happy together," I lie easily, and he smiles at my words.

But the Stefan in the vision said words that now echo in my head.

So many lies, that's what happened.

I sigh and let Stefan wrap an arm around me as we lay together, the late morning sun slanting through the curtains onto the floor.

"Thank you for staying," Stefan presses a soft kiss to my temple, making me blush.

Yeah, I'm absolutely going to fall in love with him.