The Feelings

Anxiety (chp 2)

Song: Murkami-Made in Heights
~*~
"WHAT HAPPENED", I yelled with panic. My mother just broke down, her red hair pasted on her forehead and her bright blue eyes glistened with tears. I felt my heart pound with anxiety. I heard the wails of sirens and I looked out my window. I saw a body bag and my world froze. That's Robin's house. My mind was overloading as I fell to my knees. That couldn't be her. THAT IS NOT HER!

I got up. I ran past my mother and down the stairs and out the front door to see other people getting out of their house. My legs burned as I propelled myself to Robin's home. I reached it and I saw her mother sobbing. I felt my cheeks stain with tears as my knees buckled and the gravel road stabbed my knees. It was Robin stuffed in that body bag. Robin.

I lifted my self off the ground and stumbled to the paramedic. "How'd she die", I sobbed "please, tell me how".

The man gave me a sad look. "I can't give you that type of information sir", he replied sadly. "Please, I'm in love with her", I slipped out. The paramedic's eyes went wide as he saw me cry. It felt like I was drowning in tears. "She over dosed on sleeping pills and put herself in a tub full of water", he responded uneasily but sadly.

Suicide. She committed suicide.

I collapsed as I felt my eyes get heavy with sadness and I fell down and saw the paramedic over me with concern. I then gave in and black overturned my vision. She's gone.

//////

I felt myself stir as I started to roll around in a bed. Then the memories of what happened started to flood my brain and I felt the tears come. In a few seconds I was Niagara Falls. I couldn't stop crying. I wheezed. But I eventually ran out of water as my tears slowed then stopped all together.

I pulled myself up and felt a headache start to form in the back of my head. I wobbled my way towards my bedroom door but the door opened and I saw my mother. Her wire rim glasses were on top of her nose and I saw her instantly start to analyze me.

"Sweetie what's wrong?", she asked. I looked at her incredulously. "R-Robin", I stuttered. My mom looked at me seriously. She looked at my tear stained cheeks. I cried. I never cried and she knew that. It wasn't because of that stupid stereotype where boys don't cry but it was because I kept my emotions locked in and the key to it was impossible to find.

"Robin is outside and waiting for you", she told me with a concerned expression. My eyes went wide with confusion and I stumbled towards my window. And there she was in all her glory. Her foot was tapping on the ground impatiently. Her brown eyes were observing my house and then her eyes fell on me. The world didn't stop like all those cliched stories said.

It kept going on. Because my world kept moving with Robin there. She gave me a small smile and waved me over impatiently. I turned towards my concerned mother. She put her hand over my head. "Are you okay?", she asked. "Yes! I AM GREAT", I practically yelled. My mother was taken aback but she gave me a smile and patted my shoulder. "Get dressed so you won't be late".

I nodded and she then left. I quickly took a glance at the mirror and cringed. My hair was plastered on to my forehead. My eyes were red. And my pale skin made my eyes even more red. But there was a glimmer in my eye. I looked crazy.

But then something hit me. My mom wore the exact same outfit that she did yesterday. The beige jeans, blue cardigan, white tank top, and worn in Nikes. My mom never wore the same outfits. Never.

Something was off but it slipped my mind. I quickly dressed into some black jeans and a plain black t-shirt. I put on some ragged white chucks and put on my usual gray beanie. I loved this beanie. It was a present from Robin. She saved it up all this money for this beanie and gave it to me on my twelfth birthday. And I still wore it five years later.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I grabbed my bag and my phone with earbuds and hurried out the door. But a hand grabbed my shoulder. I turned around and my mom had a granola bar in hand. The same one from yesterday. Since we bought a assorted one we shouldn't have two of the same kind. But I took it not thinking too strange of it.

"Thanks", I muttered before slipping out the house and into Robin's line of vision. Her chocolate eyes held me in place as I slowly jogged over to her.

"What happened, you're never late", she asked. Her voice was strong and steady and she eyed me suspiciously. Robin was too smart for her own good. She got good grades but caused a bit of a ruckus. And like my mother she wore the same outfit as yesterday. I then felt uneasiness fill my stomach. Something wasn't right.

She had on the same plaid shirt, bleached jeans, and black timberlands. She started to walk and I trailed behind her. I then saw a thin figure running towards us and then the features came in place. Long black hair and small brown eyes and a petite body. It was Leena. Robin's girl best friend. "Asian in da house", she yelled as she hopped onto her partner of crime.

Robin laughed. "I thought you were Hispanic to". Leena shrugged and held onto Robin's neck as she snuggled closer on her neck. Robin rolled her eyes and strutted on. We made to school just as the school officials closed the doors. They shake their head at us and we just laugh.

But then I noticed something. Leena didn't have the same outfit on that she did yesterday.

This puzzled me.

After I said my goodbyes to Robin and put my things in my locker I headed to my first period. Put then I was pulled another way and faced Leena. Her skin glowed in the luminance of the cheap light bulbs. It seemed oddly not human. The unease before hit me like a wave now.

"Listen to me Ethan, I know things seem weird.", she said as she looked around to find lingering students talking to their friends. "But Robin is in grave need of your help. As you know she committed suicide. But you are destined to change that.", she whispered.

I looked at her as if she was crazy. "And how do you know all of this?", I asked with sarcasm dripping off of my voice. "You don't need to know that", she replied. I scoffed. "How do I start off. Make a magic potion. Voodoo or some shit".

"Look where the victim relieves the pain but gains nothing but an addiction", she recited. I of course rolled my eyes but the words were imprinted in my mind.

Leena studied me then strolled away. I groaned as I heard the bell ring.

Fuck.