Speechless (Muke)

DAY 11:

Words For Mikey: Day 11

Acrimony: sharpness, harshness, or bitterness or nature, speech, disposition, etc.

I'm not really angry. Not in the slightest, but pretending to be angry and hostile is better than being vulnerable in front of everyone. And besides my false anger and hostility is driving them away which in the end can only be a good thing. If they slowly stop caring now than it'll be easier for them to let go of me completely. That is if you die. I've come to the conclusion that not only will I not be willing to live without you, but I physically can't. So I'll mask my pain with anger and I'll pray that it'll fade, I'll mask my vulnerability with hostility and pray that the others won't meddle in my business. Because I am done being weak and I'm done being in pain. I don't know how you managed to survive as long as you did, but I know now that I have never been as strong as you and I never will be. If you don't pull through, Mikey, then I won't either. If you die, so do I. We had to hand in our essays at school today. I gave the teacher both of ours so that you can keep your grades up. I didn't read it though, I promised I wouldn't. You can read it to me after you wake up alright? I'll read your essay and you can read mine and the letters I write for you. My essay is all about you, kitten. All about you and everything that you do and fuck Michael I miss you. I miss you and I need you and I fucking love you. So damn much. And it hurts so bad. There are times I think that jumping off a bridge would be easier than this, but I'm holding on for you baby.

I love you,

Luke

"Essays are due today," the teacher stated walking into the classroom. Luke's grip on the two essays in his hand tightened slightly. "You have ten minutes to get them on my desk starting now," Luke was first to the teacher's desk and the line slowly formed behind him. "Mr. Hemmings," the teacher noted marking off that Luke had handed in his essay.

"I have Michael's essay as well sir," Luke said holding one essay in each hand and lifting them up.

The teacher nodded slowly and hesitantly and marked off that Michael had handed his in as well. "Thank you, Mr. Hemmings. I must ask that you stay by my desk until your classmates have returned to their seats. There is something I want to talk with you about,"

Luke nodded hesitantly and watched as his entire class handed in their own essays, before the teacher turned to him.

"The staff were thinking that perhaps it would be beneficial to you to speak with the guidance counsellors at school today," the teacher started. "We took the liberty of scheduling you an appointment that starts in five minutes,"

"Sir-"

"You do not have to go, Mr. Hemmings, but we have spoken with your friends and your mother, all of whom believe you should attend. The decision however, lays on your shoulders,"

"It starts in five minutes?" Luke double checked.

The teacher nodded his confirmation.

"Alright," Luke agreed. "I'll go, but just this one time. If it's bad I'm never going again,"

"Of course Mr. Hemmings. The counsellor waiting for you is Mrs. Collins,"

Luke nodded and forced a quick smile before returning to his desk to grab his bag before leaving.

The halls were oddly deserted. Of course, Luke figured this was normal, seeing as classes were going on, but typically he never wandered the halls instead of attending class. If he skipped, he typically left school grounds completely. He felt out of place, as if he were someone visiting from another land, or perhaps as if he were thrust unexpectedly into a movie. When Luke finally reached the guidance office he was glad to be out of the ghost town hallways of the torturous school.