Speechless (Muke)

DAY 13:

Words For Mikey: Day 13

Fractious: tending to cause trouble; unruly

So I'll admit that I'm letting myself go. I'll admit that I've become a terrible person and I'll admit that I did some shitty stuff while skipping school today, but for the first time since you tried to kill yourself I felt alive. And yeah I broke a couple laws and almost got arrested, but fuck, it's better than feeling dead inside. I did however promise my mum I wouldn't do it again, so, hello dead inside Luke, that feeling of being live is gone now. And think Michael, it left because you did. I'm sorry, forget I wrote that, because I didn't mean it. This isn't your fault I swear. I love you baby, I don't want you to feel bad I don't want you to feel dead. I want you to be happy and loved and fuck Michael, I just want you to be alive. Please be alive.

I love you,

Luke

"Luke!" Ashton's voice pierces Luke's slumber and he yearns to return to it instantly. "You have five minutes before we leave!"

Knowing his mum will be angry if he doesn't go to school, Luke stumbles out of bed and dresses half-asleep in clothes he knows are Michael's. And lazily brushes his teeth not even giving his reflection a glance.

"'M ready," he yawns, shuffling over to the front door and shoving his feet into all black vans.

"Your bag?" Calum asks.

Luke shrugs, "I dunno where I put it,"

Calum sighs and hunts down Luke's bag for him handing it over to the blonde as Ashton ushers them out the door.

"If we get in shit for being late I'm blaming, Luke," Ashton mutters.

When they pull up to the school Ashton and Calum take off and Luke simply watches them before tossing his bag back in the car and striding away with a pocket full of cash and his phone in his hand.

Luke isn't really sure what he's doing, but he feels dead, and Luke misses feeling alive. He misses the exhilaration of being a kid and not getting caught for doing something silly and probably stupid. And so maybe that's why Luke decides to get reckless, but really he thinks it's just because he doesn't care.

Luke enters the first convenience store he sees and buys three cans of spray paint a bottle of pop and a pack of gum. And sure the old man at the register is giving him weird looks, but Luke just wants to fuck shit up.

Luke does have a strong sense of right and wrong, and though it's being clouded by his recklessness, it's still there, so instead of vandalizing a building Luke finds himself writing on the walls of an alleyway. But of course thoughts of Michael still plague his mind no matter how hard he tries to escape. So when he backs away from the wall sobbing he's not really surprised at the words he left. And though they may be lyrics, Luke feels they were written just for him.

If you loved me, why'd you leave me?

So Luke sticks with his pattern. He wanders around town spray painting painful lyrics onto abandoned buildings without thinking of the consequences because he knows that nothing can be worse than the pain he's feeling.

So when Luke turns out of an alley to see police cars parked next to and old car, his blood doesn't run cold and he doesn't panic. And when the man the officers are talking to points at him, Luke doesn't try to take off running. Actually he walks over to them with adrenaline in his veins.

"Morning officer," he greets with the best smile he can manage. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is that you're vandalizing buildings kid,"