I'll carry you home (Everlark)

Chapter 34: Understanding

Chapter 34

Katniss P.O.V.

After I came home from the hospital I just haven't gotten out of bed. The only thing I do is to go to the bathroom and then I'm back in bed.

I can tell that Peeta is worried. My bleeding hasn't stopped yet so we can't start trying again anyways. I don't see a point in leaving the bed to be honest. I was so excited for the baby and now I'm not pregnant anymore. It doesn't feel right.

People has tried to stop by but I made Peeta make everyone leave. I don't wanna see anyone. I saw the most important people at the hospital, but that's that. I cried against my father's chest for what seemed like hours.

My mom hasn't tried to see me. Not that I would let her. I hate her. Maybe if she hadn't done what she did with Gale and all I wouldn't have been as stressed as I was and this would never have happened. Of course I can't know that for sure though.

I just can't seem to let this go. I know it's hard on Peeta too. People are texting me telling me that they feel sorry for me. Poor Katniss. Poor Katniss. Poor baby. Poor Katniss. Poor baby. Okay. And what about Peeta? No one says poor Peeta. Why not? Do people think that Peeta is not effected by this? Was this not his baby as much as it was mine? Yes it was. I want to tell Peeta that I know he's effected as much as I am, but I can't face him. I can't look him directly on his eyes. I feel ashamed for some reason. Peeta takes so good care of me and I can't even get out of bed.  I feel pathetic. Really pathetic.

Someone knocks on the bedroom door. Peeta is at work right now, it's in the middle of the day, so whoever it is, the person has got a key to the apartment to get in at all. Well I guess that leaves my dad since I know for a fact that Finnick and Annie are at work with Peeta, the three of them called me from work, saying that everyone misses me. I mean I guess it could be Livia, she's at home with Robbie, but I highly doubt that because she's told Peeta that she'd come by tonight with Gavin.

Isn't my dad at work though? I thought he said he would be. Although I don't really listen when people are talking right now.

The door opens and I only see like a double shadow of some sort, since it's dark in the room and when the door opens a little light seeps in.

"Katniss?"

I stop breathing. That's my moms voice. Not the voice I've heard for a while now, not hard and judgmental. But soft and worried.

What is my mom doing here? I don't recall inviting her here. Well I haven't invited anyone who's come by but still. And I know Peeta hasn't because he knows how I feel.

"Katniss?" A small voice asks unsure.

Elijah. Oh my sweet baby brother. Why did she take him with her, now I can't ignore them. I could never ignore Elijah. Never.

I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I even make small snore noises.

I feel the weight shifted on the edge of my bed, right beside me. Mom must've sat down. Why is she even here? I thought she hated me. That she hated Peeta. So why does she even bother to come here?

I feel my moms hand on my forehead. She gently brushes hair from my face and hooks it behind my ear.

"I know you're not asleep", she says softly. "You did that trick way too many times when you were in Elijah's age, I can tell you're pretending".