Only Ever You (Jaythan)

Chapter 13

I scratched at my wrists every time I checked my twitter. The hate got drowned out by the pain of the cuts.

Max left for Manchester without saying goodbye. We all missed him, despite the trouble he had caused. Tom took it harder than most. It felt like he blamed me for it.

Another cut.

I sat in the bathroom with the scissors. I drew the blade across my skin, one for each reason I was stressed.

The blame.

The hate.

Being gay.

Max leaving.

The knowledge that Jay would be disappointed in me.

I couldn't bring myself to do any more. I was in too deep (pun intended) as it was and I didn't want to get myself into something I couldn't get out of.

The press always brought up the gay question. I always answered the same way.

"Yes, Jay and I are together, but it doesn't change our music or how we are as people. This is who we are. We shouldn't get foul looks and words for something we can't help. It's like hating someone for being ginger. It's childish and immature and I hope people learn to accept us," I would say.

But the haters didn't care.

I tried not to let it bother me. I had to keep my game face on, for Jay.

We were on our way home from a Starbucks. We were walking in a line, the four of us side by side. Jay grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked up at him, smiling.

"Disgusting faggots," a passerby muttered. He shoved into me pointedly and carried on his way.

I felt like I was about to cry.

Jay gave the man an angry look as he walked away. Then he looked at me, concerned.

"Nathy? Don't listen to them," Jay pleaded.

I wiped my eyes. "What did I do to deserve this?" I asked innocently.

"Nothing, Nathan," Tom said, patting my back. "Some people are just homophobic arseholes."

"Would you say that if Max were here?" I said bitterly.

He looked surprised, but didn't answer.

"See. Maybe I deserve the hate. Nobody likes me. I'm just a disgusting horrible fag."

"Nathan!" Siva said sharply. "Don't say that!"

Jay pulled me into a hug. "Lots of people love you, Nath. We love you. I love you. The Fanmily loves you. You're not disgusting. You're amazing. You're wonderful. And I love you." And he kissed me, not caring about the dirty looks from people walking by us.

I gave in and kissed him back, drowning in the taste of his lips and the heat of his body.

I pulled away and rested my head on his chest. I still didn't believe that so many people still cared. But I pretended that I did, for Jay.

{A/N this is a little bit of a filler chapter. If any of you didn't notice, I started working on The Show Must Go On again. I'm starting a Phanfiction soon as well. Thanks for reading! Vote fan comment! Xx ~Pickles}