Only Ever You (Jaythan)

Chapter 19

{A/N I don't really know where I'm going with this right now. I had great ideas and now........I'm kind of stuck. Updates might take a wee bit longer. Sowwy :( But I will give you longer chapters! xx ~Pickles}

It was time for our first interview since...the incident. I wasn't ready for it, but Jay was asking me to go, to show people I was strong.

I went, for him.

As I sat down on the brown couch, I squirmed uncomfortably. Jay took my hand. I looked up at him next to me. He smiled down at me, but I didn't return it.

"On air in five...four...three...two...one!"

"Hello boys! Good to have you back!" the interviewer said, too brightly.

"Hello," we all chorused.

"How are things going? I heard Nathan was recently in a hospital. Are you alright?" she turned to looked at me. Her eyes burned through me, unforgiving and cold.

I realised that I hadn't replied. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I...I'm fine." I smiled a little bit. She raised an eyebrow but continued on.

"I know that having a public gay relationship while being in one of the biggest bands on the charts is probably difficult. Especially after all of the hate you received. How are you?" Her gaze was directed at Jay.

"We're good. We're not going to give up because some people don't like it. I love Nathan. And love is love, no matter what sexuality the people are," Jay explained, squeezing my hand.

We managed to get through the rest of the interview without any bad things happening. When we were finished, I let out a sigh of relief.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Siva said, comfortingly patting me on the back.

I didn't reply.

"Aww, Nathy!" Jay wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I started freaking out for some reason. I didn't have enough personal space. Was this claustrophobia?

I was vaguely aware of my legs shaking. Carefully, I pushed Jay away. He looked up at me with hurt in his big blue eyes.

"I..." I started, but my throat closed up.

He reached out to take my hand, and suddenly I snapped. I hissed and backed away. Why was I doing this?! I thought my brain was fixed already!

"Nathan?" Jay asked, his voice broken.

Tom tried to put an arm around me. I shied away, staring at it.

"What's wrong?" Max asked soothingly.

"I...I don't know," I stuttered. "My brain is controlling me and it's not right, something's wrong in my brain and it's taking control and I don't like it and help me Jay help me please please I don't like this!"

"Shh calm down. We'll take you to a doctor, okay? We'll see what's wrong," Jay replied. His voice was soft, but I knew that he was hurt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and started crying. "What's wrong with me?" I sat on the floor and held my head in my hands.

"Don't touch him!" Siva quickly remarked. "Something in his brain is making him afraid of human touch. Leave him be for a bit."

"Okay," Jay said dejectedly. "Nathan, come on. We're going to take you to a hospital. Okay?"

I looked up at their worried faces. I slowly nodded and stood myself up, following them weakly out the door and into the van.

"What exactly is wrong?" Max asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know!"

"Start from the beginning," Tom added.

"Well, Natalie broke up with me and I locked myself away. I think that weakened my mind, too. Then Jay and I happened, and I got all that hate from the quote unquote fans about us. So, I started cutting. It wasn't much at first, but I couldn't stop. Jay saw and I thought he was disgusted with me. I couldn't handle another heartbreak so I took a knife with me and locked myself in my room again. I didn't use it, but I wanted to. Then...I don't know. I guess I grew weak from the lack of sleep and food, and my brain went nuts. It's not right. It's trying to control me, and I don't want it to. I want to be me. I don't want to be crazy."

"Someone will have some explanation for us," Max said. "I'm sure of it. We can find out what's wrong, and treat it."

I nodded, done with talking for now. What was wrong with me?

We pulled up to the hospital and I breathed in sharply. The moment of truth.

{Question for you guys: do you prefer cute fluff or sad feels? ~Pickles}