Only Ever You (Jaythan)

Chapter 14

{A/N Intimate fluff coming up! No smut or anything, I don't do that. Just letting you all know. :) xx}

I couldn't stop cutting. I always knew this would happen if I did it. But I did it anyway. And now...

Angry red marks decorated my wrists. They weren't too deep, but they weren't at a harmless level either. It wasn't pleasant to look at, but it helped me cope.

I sat with Jay in his room, playing video games.

He threw down the controller. "How are you so good at this?" he whined.

I laughed.

He pouted like a little kid.

"Jaybird," I said, reaching for his curls. "Don't be upset."

"I don't like losing."

"We could do something else if you like. We don't have to keep playing video games."

"What else do you want to do?"

My lips twitched into a smirk. His face transformed into one of easy seductiveness.

I took his hand and sat on the bed. He sat next to me. His hand rested on my neck and his eyes gazed at my lips as if asking for permission. I gave a slight nod and he closed the gap between us.

It felt as if my nerves were set on fire (pun intended). The kiss was hungry. Passionate. Intimate. I reached up and wrapped my arms around him, tugging him even closer to me.

He licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I pursed my lips together, teasing him. He made a whining noise.

Jay left a trail of kisses down my jawline. He followed the curve of my neck and lingered on my collarbone. A throbbing moaning sound escaped from the back of my throat as he started kissing me again.

Suddenly his hands trailed along my body. I shivered. His fingers ghosted along my still skinny sides and gently rested on my thighs. Then higher. Higher. Ever so slightly higher...

I gasped. He took advantage of my surprise and slipped his tongue in my mouth. I slowly realised that he had distracted me. Cheeky.

I let my hands wander down to the hem of his shirt. He fumbled with it and took it off.

Jay tried to pull off my shirt too. I helped him with that and threw it on the floor.

He kissed my chest right above my heart and suddenly froze.

"Jay?" I asked quietly. "What's wrong?"

He backed away from me warily. He was staring at...

My wrists.

"Shit," I muttered. "Jay, I can explain..."

"Don't." He shook his head. He bit his lip as his eyes watered. "Don't. I thought I could trust you not to hurt yourself again."

"You don't understand!"

"I think I do understand! You let the hate get to you and you decided to give in and hurt yourself. Make what they said true."

"No! It was just for release! It helped keep my mind off of everything."

"Don't you see what this does to me?" Jay's voice shook with emotion. "When you locked yourself away. That hurt me like hell. Knowing you were in trouble but not being able to do anything about it. When you hurt yourself, you hurt me. And now you're tearing your skin to ribbons and it breaks my heart to see you like this. Weak, vulnerable, damaged. I need you to be strong, because without you-" his voice broke. "Without you I'm nothing. I need you. Please don't do this to yourself."

Tears trailed along my red cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Jay. I didn't know..."

"What didn't you know? That I love you with every atom in my body? That I love you more than life? That this would hurt me?"

I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. They were filled with hurt, betrayal, and loss. He was always so confident, so happy. I did this to him. I did.

I broke down and started sobbing. I subconsciously started scratching at my wrists again.

"Go."

I looked up at him. "What?"

"Go. Get out of my room. Please." His voice sounded defeated.

I felt as if I was being torn apart. I pulled myself together and picked up my shirt. Then I returned to my room.