Only Ever You (Jaythan)

Chapter 21

{A/N I dedicate this chapter to my friend Joy. (She doesn't have a Wattpad account) She's always supported my writing and she's one of my best friends. Here you go, Joy! :)

Also, I'm sorry for not updating. It's a really busy road trip. On the plus side, I have almost all of the rest of the chapters written. I have to write like the last two and then I'm finished. 20+ chapters is a lot! But I'm really glad you guys like it and thanks for reading! Xx ~Pickles}

I was now able to hold Jay's hand. I did whenever possible, to try to get used to human touch. Sometimes my brain took control and I pushed him away. Other times, I could stand it.

Jay was taking me out to dinner. I agreed to meet him there.

I hopped into the shower and straightened my hair, like old times. I put on nice casual clothes, consisting of a red polo and dark skinny jeans, with shiny black shoes. {I don't know lol}

Nervously, I walked over to the restaurant.

It was pretty nice inside, but not fancy. I glanced at the people inside, who looked to be upper middle class. That meant the food would be pricy, but not expensive.

"Hello, how many?" the waitress at the front asked.

"Hi. Actually, I'm meeting someone here. He told me to ask about it under the name McGuiness?" I asked, leaning my hands on the desk.

The waitress smiled. "Ah, yes. Right this way."

I followed her to a window table, where Jay was sat. His curly hair was tamed and clean, and his face was cleanly shaven. I smiled and sat down.

"Hey, babe," I said.

Jay looked up at me and grinned. "Baby Nath! You look like you did when we met! With your little fringe and all." He looked me up and down. "Sexy."

I laughed, blushing. "And look at you! You shaved!"

He laughed with me.

"Hello, my name is Tess and I will be your server this evening. Would you like to start off with something to drink?" our waitress asked when she came over. {I don't know how it is in the UK, but our waitresses sound exactly like this, like word for word. They're really really polite. It's kind of scary how nice they are.}

"Water is fine," I replied.

"Same," my boyfriend agreed.

"Alright. And would you like to order or do you need a bit more time?"

"I'll have the veggie lover's salad," Jay requested.

I hadn't even glanced at the menu. "I'll have one as well."

The waitress jotted it down and left.

Jay grabbed my hand under the table. I calmed down my brain and focused on him, his touch, how much I wanted it.

"How are you?" he asked softly.

"Jay, we saw each other today. I'm the same as when you left." I giggled.

"I meant..." he trailed off. I pointed to my head and he nodded. I sighed.

"I can hold your hand with hardly any trouble," I replied. His eyes lit up. "I think that's it right now."

"It's an improvement! Let's see where another two days will get us," Jay responded.

I smiled at him shyly.

When our food came, I looked at it with wide eyes. "This is a huge salad," I remarked.

"Nath, it's a normal size," Jay assured me.

"It looks huge!"

"Eat as much as you can."

So I tried.

I got about a few mouthfuls when my brain wouldn't let me continue. "I can't."

"Nathan, you've barely eaten anything," Jay scolded. "You need food!"

I felt tears welling in my eyes. "I can't, Jay! It won't let me! I just..." I started hyperventilating.

Jay's arms wrapped around me. My brain made me push him away, and I started crying.

"Nathan..."

Tess rushed over. I knew that the other diners were probably staring. "Is he alright?" she asked, trying to hold my shoulders. I retaliated and curled into a ball.

"He's having a breakdown," I heard Jay explain sadly. "This happens sometimes. It's...a medical condition." The last part was added quietly. I looked up at them.

Tess's eyes widened. "Okay. Come with me, I'll get you guys somewhere away from these prying eyes. I'll box up your salads, too." She rushed away with the food, saying, "Follow me."

"Nathy, come on," Jay said. I stood up and let him pull me through the restaurant after the waitress.

We were in the back room.

"Just wait here. I'll be right back," Tess assured us before rushing away again.

Jay smirked at me.

"What?" I asked, my voice rough from tears.

He shook his head and started singing softly. "Just you and me in the coats in the back room, doing things they don't teach in the classroom."

I smiled a little. "I don't think we can do anything like that for awhile. Not with me the way I am."

"I know. But I will gladly wait for you."

Tess came back with two boxes. Jay handed her a cheque card. She nodded and ran off again.

Jay waited for me to calm down. He handed me a tissue from his pocket. I used it to wipe my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm pathetic."

"Nathy! You're not! You've just got a stupid medical problem, it's not your fault. You can't help it."

I started crying again. He squeezed my hand. "I can't give you the relationship you deserve. You deserve someone who can go out to dinner with you, or to the movies. You deserve someone you can hold and kiss, someone you can love all night long. You deserve someone you don't have to take care of. And that's not me. I'n not any of those things."

"You can be, though. We'll help you get through this, be it a month or ten years. I will wait for you. You are worth it. I love you." Jay lifted a hand to my face. I held it there with my hand, letting it burn.

"Here," Tess said, handing Jay his card. "I'm sorry about all this."

"Nothing to be sorry for," Jay replied. He pulled out a twenty and gave it to her. Her eyes widened. "Thank you, Tess."

"I can't take this," she said.

"You can, and you will," he insisted. "Come on Nath. Let's go home."

I stood up and leaned on him, letting the burning pain run through me.

"Thank you," Tess whispered. Jay nodded and led me out the back door, carrying our boxes.