Only Ever You (Jaythan)

Chapter 7

I heard a knock on my door that night.

I really didn't want to deal with Jay. He probably didn't return my feelings, despite what others thought. And even if he did, he knew it couldn't happen. The band would be torn apart. I couldn't have that weight on my shoulders just for being gay.

I let him in anyway.

Jay sat on the floor in front of my bed. "Look Nath, we need to talk," he said cautiously.

"You're not drunk, are you?"

"No. Because I want to talk to you."

I sighed, feigning annoyance. "What is it?"

He twiddled his fingers anxiously. "Today at the pub. You said you didn't have your sights on a girl."

"I don't."

"What about a boy?"

I rolled over, hiding my red face. "Tom asked me that before. I said no, remember?"

"But you said it in a way that...I don't believe you."

I laughed nervously. "Jay, what are you trying to say?"

"Nathan, are you gay?" he asked abruptly.

I stayed quiet for a moment. He knew I was. I could tell. The game was up. "It's not as if it matters."

"Yes, it does." He sat on the edge of my bed. I felt his hand rest on my shoulder.

Angrily, I shoved him off. "No, it doesn't! I can't tell anyone about it; it'll destroy the band! Everyone will hate us because we have a gay member! We'll go in a downward spiral and never go back up unless I left. And I don't want to leave. So no, it doesn't matter, because it's my secret and I'm keeping it!" I didn't yell for fear of the other boys hearing.

Jay frowned and looked away. He blinked a few times, obviously holding back tears. "I just...I'd hoped that..."

"What?" I snapped, sitting up.

"I hoped we could be together."

There it was.

He returned my feelings. It was a huge relief. My heart fluttered with joy and I just wanted to hug him, to call him mine.

I sighed. "Bird..."

"I get it. It's not me." He waved his hand and stood.

"No! Jay! That's not what I was going to say!" I called after him. But he was already gone.