Alone ~R.S.L.~ #Wattys2016

03

I got out the door, seeing Mrs. H immediately go in, starting a conversation with them. "He's too broken, it's clear in his eyes even when he smiles. If we wanted to adopt a child, or a teen, we at least expect him to have a good emotional state. We can't fix him, he already cuts." They said, continuing each other's sentences.

Not only that they just stated that I'm not god enough for them, but both of them spoke about me with disgust. If this is what it takes to live in such a heartless world, I'd rather die.

I would give the murderer my very own knife, and beg him to stab it in me.

I was about to walk away when I heard them leave through the back door, and Mrs. Harold got from the opposite one.

"What have you done?" she asked me before I got to my room. "Nothing. They were the ones who didnt accept me. It isn't my fault." I said turning to face her. She raised her eyebrows at my calmness, and got closer.

"Well. It isn't our problem you're a boring, 16 year old mess, is it?" He voice rang louder making some of the children in the place turn their full attention on us.

"We were this close to giving you away but you had to ruin it, you filthy bag of shit. " Her palm made sudden contact with my cheek, hard and loud, in a very painful slap, making everyone go silent.

My cheek was literally burning from pain.

I looked at her in disbelief my mouth slightly opened, not knowing how she had the heart to do that.

How did she not feel sorry for me? Am I that useless?

I looked at her, trying to function, and realise what she just did. I looked around, taking in every one's face expression.

And as expected, none showed sorrow or guilt. They were all serious hatred, with enthusiasm.

A sarcastic scoff left my mouth as I made my way back to the room. Oppression was all I felt. It ain't easy to deal with the same people everyday, when they have something new to say to me.

Oh, How I wished that the something would do good.

But no. It was definitely more than severe. It was what caused my deep depression state. It's what caused me to lock the real, outer world, and create a magical one.

In my very own journal.

A book which contains a side of reality, and a side where illusion is created.

Where I actually try to imagine how being loved feels like.

But this is not something that could be fixed that easily. This was worth a lot of tears.

And recovering a once bad habit.

I got to the bathroom grabbing a blade, a very sharp one indeed.

I sniffed taking a deep look into it, before bring my wrist parallel to it.

A teal slipped down as I replayed the hurtful words in my head. It seemed real, and self harming was the only way I could get away with it.

What am I to be living here, on the face of earth?

Although that question should have an answer, I seemed to be lacking knowledge towards it.

I slit the blade on my wrist slowly, a smile forming on my lips.

I was smiling in pain, if that made sense.

It felt like I was doing the right thing, when I knew it was wrong. But it was worth it, it made me feel alive.

I ran the sharp tool down my wrist every minute or so, counting how many times I've felt more than just empty. With every cut, a smile appears. And with every smile, a thought comes out.

Hard to believe, I was too dizzy to recall the thought. I felt numb.

▶←◀→▶←◀ALONE▶→◀←▶→◀

I questioned my existence, getting to the sink after I finally regained balance. It felt good when I self harmrd, I know it will feel great when I die.

Commit suicide .

After all, I won't face what I did, I won't cry about missing my mother, whom I never actually saw. I won't get beaten up or picked up on. I won't get rejected, or judged by.

I will be safe, so what do I have to loose?

I got out of the bathroom glancing at the window, where water drops fell heavily.

Perfect .

I felt the urge to grab a rope before heading out the balcony. If I'm going to commit suicide, I'll have to make it quick.

I can't stand any more pain.

Climbing off the window, my hand tightened it's grip on the rope, as u felt the urge to cry again.

Everything flashed before my sight and it was awful. It hurts to know I went through all of this.

A lamp post was found a few inches away from the balcony, a good place to secure the rope on.

I sobbed tying it forcefully, bringing the end in a shape that could fit around my head.

'This is it,' I thought as the rain hit my blonde locks. 'It's all over, just one simple action, and it's over.'

"Don't do it, don't jump." A feminine voice called from the street, 3 floors below me.

" Who are you?"

"You don't have to know. Just don't jump."

"You don't even know me." I called out my voice cracking as tears made their way down and Loosing the rope to get it on my head.

"You can't give up on life. You're not alone." She said coming closer to the building.

"What do you mean I'm not alone, huh?" I cried leaving the rope, "I have nobody, I'm a victim, I face pain. A lot of pain. How is that not alone?"

I saw her start climbing up the building as I started to panic. "What are you doing? You'll hurt yourself." I called out looking at her.

I have never seen her before, but I knew there was something special. She disfunctioned my suicide attempt and all I could do was melt at what she was doing.

Her long blond hair fell on her back, as she tried effort to climb up the third floor, causing her strapless white, drenched dress to stick on her body.

I let my hands out as she took them getting up the balcony. "What - who are you?"

She shushed, bringer her finger up to her lips. I examined her mud stained dress and the scar right across her cheek.

She was beautiful.

"Don't do that," She whispered taking the rope from my hand, "you're worth a lot. Don't miss this opportunity. You don't know what your future holds."

"But I have nobody. I'm useless, hopeless, I - I'm severely damaged," I said tears building up their ways.

"You can have me." She wiped my tears away. I stood shocked by her lovingly actions, taking in her features.

Did god just deliver me an angel?

"I'm Emily," she said smiling lightly, "and I can be your friend. Your somebody. I care about you." She cracked out hugging me.

I immediately hugged back feeling her tears on my chest. "But keep it a secret. " she said looking up at me. I nodded resting my forehead on hers.

"Why do you care about me? You never knew me. You don't even know my name." I cracked out, my mind in complete haze. I didn't know what to say and it felt good. She numbed my brain as we hugged, which meant everything. It was the first time I felt care.

"I don't have to know you. I just know you're hurt. "

A/N

Hiiiiiiiiiii

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I love you so darn much, and I wish I could meet every and each one of you.