Trust Me. I'm Lying - (SLOWLY EDITING)

There Were The Words Again: Chapter 32

"I loved her, not for the way that she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her voice could silence my demons."

—Christopher Pointdexter

__________________________________________________________

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO:

There Were The Words Again.

I truly hate waking up from nightmares.

It made my head hurt, and it felt like I was waking up to a reality that was not my own. My heartbeat was always accelerated, and I woke up shaking and wishing I didn't have to take a tranquilizer just after. Each time it was the same, for each time I woke up from a nightmare, it was hard to distinguish reality from dreams.

But each time I knew I was having a nightmare. A dream. Something my brain conjured from either fears or desires.

Fears. This wasn't a nightmare. This was really happening. And I wasn't sleeping. I had blacked out.

That's why I woke up and something like a scream tried to come out from the back of my throat. Tried to, because my throat was so dry it felt as if something had died there. For a minute, I wasn't quite sure where exactly I was. I felt a couch under me, my head on the armrest, and the feeling that people were watching me, and talking in murmurs. I opened my eyes, and then there were the faces.

His first, closest. Worried the most. The normal kind of anxiety. Those eyes like stars. "Bells? Bells, what happened? You scared the shit out of us. I thought we were going to have to take you to the hospital—"

"No!" this hurt my throat, and probably my vocal cords. Memories of what happened were coming back to me. Just like your father. My head started to hurt again. I looked up, and Jess had bright eyes, and Chris looked ready for murder. I tried it again. "Not to the hospital, please. I hate hospitals."

Carson nodded, giving me that look of ours. I know, it seemed to say. "What happened?"

Nothing bad. God, my Mom was getting married. Selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish. I hated myself I hated myself I hated myself. What the hell is wrong with me? She was getting married, and it was supposed to make me happy. Make me happy like Mia, not proving that I was a selfish and spoiled bitch, that was—

Just like my Dad.

"Mom is getting married," I said, shutting my eyes again for a minute. Part of me wanted to take this to the grave because I didn't want to talk about it ever. Because I was selfish. Focus on something else, Isabelle. I didn't want to think about what had happened, what was happening, and what was going to happen in a future that seemed all too near too soon. I just wanted to exist in Nothingness.

"What?" the three of them asked almost at the exact time.

"Mom is getting married to Mr. Langley."

It took Chris about three seconds to add one plus one.

"Hold on," she began, closing her eyes as if trying to comprehend and running a hand through her face. Her expression and tone barely concealed her anger. "Your Mom didn't tell you today out of motherfucking nowhere, did she?"

I gave her a nod. Jess opened her mouth, which fell in a little 'O' shape. I turned my eyes back to his, and he did look angry. Surprised. Carson didn't move his eyes from mine. "It wasn't just that, was it? You didn't take the news well."

Don't cry, I kept reminding myself. I hated crying. Crying helped. I couldn't cry at my house. I was tired. Nothingness was a place in which I wanted to stay for eternity. And I told them.