When the day met the night

33

A couple of days later I was home, encouraged to rest as much as possible. Lucy had shopped for me, made me lunch and listened to me rant at her for opening her mouth to Jared. Despite this she offered to stay and keep me company. As much as I appreciated the offer but I assured her I was okay, I'd ring if anything happened. I just wanted to be alone in my heartbreak. I spent the rest of the day resting as ordered. Late in the afternoon, I walked into the nursery we had set up for the baby. We had bought everything the last time he was here. He had gone absolutely crazy buying everything imaginable, he had been so excited. I ran my hands over the soft blankets and stuffed toys. I picked up one of the little playsuits he had picked out. Tears formed in my eyes and I cried remembering how he had held it against the bump laughing. I looked at everything, wondering how everything had gotten so fucked up. I was afraid, afraid of going through labor alone, afraid of looking after a baby by myself, I had no idea how I was going to cope without him. But I was most afraid of never being with him again, I didn't know how I would possibly endure the heartache. Having a living, breathing reminder of him would surely drive me to despair. I quickly left the room before I started to panic even more.

I walked into the kitchen to have something to eat, but I couldn't bring myself to eat more than a few bites, the food stuck in my throat, it just wouldn't go down. I was exhausted, I lay down on the couch and within minutes I had fallen asleep. I had no idea how much time had passed, when out of nowhere I felt a hand on my arm rubbing it lightly. I grumbled and my eyes fluttered open slowly. There he was kneeling down next to me, his hair hanging down around his face, his beautiful blue eyes looked sad and tired, he gave me a small smile in greeting. My eyes closed again, I thought I must have been dreaming, until I heard his voice. "Harper, wake up" he said softly, shaking me gently. My eyes flew open, I was finally awake. I sat up slowly, blinking several times to make sure he was really there. He was kneeling in front of me, I stared at him for a moment and my hand trembled as I reached out to touch his cheek. He leaned into my palm closing his eyes for a moment. I gasped softly, I couldn't even speak I just put out my arms and threw them around his neck, his arms wrapped around me holding me tight as I sobbed. "Don't cry" he said softly "please don't cry" he kissed my forehead. "Cmon lets get you up, this can't be comfortable" he let me go and helped me stand. Silently he led me up to my bedroom, I sat on the bed and watched as he took off his clothes motioning for me to move over so we could lie down. I lay down and he held me next to his body, his hand on the bump. It started kicking as though it knew he was here and I felt his whole body relax. I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me, "don't say anything, I just want to lie here with you, we can talk later" he leant in and kissed my neck. I nodded and breathed a sigh of relief.

I woke a few hours later, it was dark, his arm still around me, his soft steady breathing told me he was sound asleep. I moved his arm and sat up, it was getting harder to move around now. I wondered how long he would stay, if he'd stay, I pushed away the thought, I was just grateful he was here. I took another glance at him, he looked peaceful, his features soft and relaxed in sleep. I got up and headed downstairs quietly so as not to wake him. Making myself some tea, I stood at the French windows looking out, lost in thought. Not long after, I heard movement behind me and I turned just as he appeared in the doorway. He went over poured himself some tea and sat down. "I'm going to talk and you're going to listen" I looked at him surprised, but before I could speak he continued, "what happened that night with that bitch, you were wrong you should have told me, straight away. I know how I feel, I know I've changed. I've never felt like this about anyone else. But I guess I never took into account how much more emotional being pregnant makes you, my mom yelled at me for that by the way, so I get now why you took it to heart" he stopped for a moment, I stood there biting my lip waiting for him to continue. "I got angry when you said all those things because I've never ever given you any reason to doubt my feelings for you, even in the beginning, when you kept pushing me away, I never stopped fighting for you, for us! I couldn't believe that you'd think I'd just cast you aside like that, it hurt and God knows I didn't say the right things. I know that now, but I was furious that you believed that vindictive bitch instead of me. Harper you're going to have to learn to trust me, you can't believe everything people say about me, you need to believe me, I have never given you any reason to doubt me" he said, looking frustrated, then continued, "I can't change my past anymore than you can and you can't tell me you've been an angel, I've seen some of the photos of you and what you got up to, but it's in the past it has nothing to do with us now" he paused waiting for my reaction. "I .. I can't help it, I'm feeling insecure about myself at the moment, I'm not the same person I was when we met, I look different, I hate it and I'm scared you won't ... you won't want to be with me anymore, now that the reality of having a baby is here..." I looked down and brought my hands up covering my face, he stood up and walked over to me, pulling my hands away. His hands moved up to cup my cheeks, he leant in brushing my lips with his, "Harper, yeah you look different, but you're still the same person inside, still that person I fell in love with, I didn't just fall in love with the outside, I fell in love with everything about you and for the record I think you're beautiful. It's so cliche but, you're glowing you look more beautiful every time I see you. I'm sorry, I love you, never doubt that, and don't ever fucking walk out on me again" he said, I started to say "I'm sorry too, I didn't..." He put a finger on my lips, "don't say anything unless it's I love you or dirty talk" he grinned, I smiled and whispered it quickly, he smiled that smile that melted my heart and pulled me against him, my heart thumping hard in my chest soaring with joy.