When the day met the night

26

I spent the next few hours getting ready to leave, my phone rang a few times, Jared. I ignored it, I didn't feel like talking to him right now. He sent me texts asking me to answer, I texted back saying I didn't have time I'd speak to him later. Maybe. I was mad at myself, I'd opened up to him told him my most embarrassing secret, at his insistence. I knew I didn't have to, but his unexpected jealousy had left me no choice and now I regretted it. I was angry that I'd let that bastard Matthew get to me like that, but I hadn't been expecting that attack so I was totally unprepared to fight back! But it was done, there was no taking it back. I arrived back at the shoot that evening. I was tired, I had a bite to eat and went to my room to have an early night. My phone rang again, I looked at it with a pang, but I ignored it again and turned over falling into a restless sleep.
I woke up early with a pounding headache, I felt sick and I was feeling even more exhausted. Jared had sent me a text, I opened and read, - I'm sorry about what happened it was never my intention to upset you, I was so jealous seeing that guy with you that I pushed you for information, I had no idea how much it would upset you, please talk to me, don't shut me out I love you, don't forget I'll see you in two weeks, I miss you xx I sighed, I knew I needed talk to him, I couldn't keep pushing him away. I shouldn't punish him because of what that asshole had done to me. Jared had shown me in so many ways that he was nothing like Matthew, but I had found it hard to trust anyone after what he had done to me. I quickly tapped in his number, he picked it up on the first ring, "Hi Harper " he said I could hear the happiness in his voice and my heart started to beat faster. "Hey.." I said not sure what to say. "You okay?" he asked, "I'm tired, I can't face this today" I said quietly. "Just tell them you can't do it, have a rest" he said with concern. "I've already had two days break I don't know if I can" I said anxiously. "Well if you don't feel well you should have a rest, Harper don't push yourself, please take it easy, you sound exhausted" he said softly. "I am, it's fine, I'll be okay, I better go" I murmured. "Okay, call me later when you get a chance, it doesn't matter what time" he said. "Sure, I ... I love you.." I said softly. "I love you too" he said. I hung up and lay down again sighing, my heart lighter now that I had spoken to him. I rang for my assistant and told her I wasn't feeling well. She insisted on calling in the doctor to check on me. I stayed in bed and slept on and off until she arrived later that morning. She started throwing questions at me, after a short time, I tuned out. My eyes had started to close when I felt her shaking me. "Harper, can you give me a sample please" she said loudly handing me a small plastic container. I nodded and walked into the bathroom dutifully, I came out a few minutes later handed it to her and she left. An hour or so later she was back, she was holding a piece of paper, and something else, I couldn't quite make out what it was. I looked at her questioningly, "what's wrong?" I said, suddenly panicking at the look on her face. "Harper, were you aware that you were pregnant?" she said holding up a stick, the two pink lines clearly visible. I gasped moaning in shock, I suddenly felt faint, she grabbed my arm helping me sit down. "I take that as no, when was the last time you had a period" she asked, "I don't.. I don't remember, I've been so busy I haven't noticed..." I stammered. She nodded, "I'm going to get you an appointment at the hospital to get you in for an ultrasound, it's very important especially if you're thinking of terminating" she said matter of factly. My head snapped up to look at her, an invisible hand clutching at my heart "don't worry, this all remains confidential" she smiled sympathetically. I nodded slowly, I didn't utter a word as she left, the door closed and I just sat there stunned, shaking with shock. How the fuck did this happen? I knew how, Jared! I could kill him, we'd used protection, but in those last few days together, he would sneak up on me, he'd make me so dizzy all thoughts of protection would leave me. Oh God! Had he taken my pills after all? No! He would never have tricked me, he promised. Damn!!! I quickly picked up my phone and with trembling hands I phoned him. "Hey baby, how are you?" he said in a sleepy voice. "How am I? How am I?!! I'll fucking tell you how I am, I'm fucking finished, I'm ruined, you've fucking ruined everything!!" I shouted at him. "What's wrong, what did I do?" he said, I could hear the panic in his voice. I was sobbing so much that I couldn't speak, "you're scaring me Harper! please tell me what's wrong?" he said loudly trying to keep calm. "How could you do this to me?!!" I cried, "fuck! Just tell me what's wrong?" he demanded. "I'm .... I'm pregnant you asshole, are you fucking happy!!!???" I blurted out. There was silence on the line, a moment passed then he found his voice. "Harper ... please don't, do anything, I need to be there, we need to talk about this, don't make any decisions, if we decide..." he begged. "If we decide?!! It's my body, my decision!!" I yelled, "I know I know! But it's my baby too Harper, don't forget that, please don't do anything, I'm begging you" he pleaded. I couldn't listen to him any longer I hit end and turned off my phone. I couldn't talk to him any more, I wanted to kill him, the selfish son of a bitch. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, my head spinning with hundreds of questions.

All I could think about was how much I had fucked up. How could I have allowed myself to become so complacent, now look where it had landed me. I was lying on a sterile white table in a darkened room, the doctor flicked some switches and the ultrasound machine whirled to life. I felt the cool gel on my stomach and then I felt the transducer start sliding across my skin. He suddenly stopped and I slowly became aware of a sound. It was a beep and it was fast, I turned slowly to look over at the screen. "Just here Ms Wilder, there's the fetus there, see the little bean shaped lightened area?" he said pointing to the screen. I looked at it, something tiny was moving inside the bean, at the same rate as the beeping noise, "what's that sound?" I asked softly, he smiled, "that's the heartbeat, you can see the heart there, I'd say you are about 12 weeks along, give or take". I nodded, disbelievingly. I stared at the little bean, the noise becoming louder and louder until that's all I could hear. Silent tears ran down my cheeks, my head filled with a million thoughts and feelings. I knew then that I had only one choice, there was only one choice I could make.