When the day met the night

9

I was tired, we'd been filming exteriors for 6 days. Many of them during the night, I think I was permanently frozen! The only good thing about it was, that it kept my mind off Jared, who was a million miles away and from the looks of it pretty busy. The texts came and went constantly, the time difference and our schedules made phone calls less frequent which depressed me as I loved hearing his voice. I looked through a news feed, my eye catching some photos of him at an event, smiling at some of the other female guests. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy, what was it we had going really? texts, phone calls I suddenly felt depressed. A one night stand that's all? Luckily I was called to set so I had no more time to dwell on it. We were were off to another castle, to film some interiors, thank God at least we wouldn't be so cold. It was an early start and I was exhausted, I hadn't slept well and I felt like I was coming down with something. I struggled onto set after wardrobe and make up was finished, but today the big heavy medieval dress felt like it weighed a ton. "Darling you look like death, are you alright?" asked Tom, my onscreen husband frowning. "I'm just tired, I'll be fine", "well let me know if you need a rest" "thank you I will" I nodded. By the middle of the day, instead of going to lunch i went to my room to lie down. I felt some sharp cramps shoot through my stomach, I winced holding my breath waiting for it to pass. They didn't, I called for Caroline my assistant and she called for the on set doctor to come and see me. "It's probably a bug or something" I said. I gasped in pain again, he frowned. "I think we should get you to the hospital" I looked at him surprised. But he was already on the phone to organize transportation.

Once I got there, I had blood taken and a few other things. An hour or so later the doctor came in. "Harper, did you know you were pregnant?" The blood drained from my face. "What?" It was barely a whisper, he nodded "ok I take it you were unaware" I sat up in the bed. "Please, please you can't tell anyone!" Tears had started falling down my cheeks. "It's fine Doctor patient confidentiality still exists, even on a film set" he assured me. I was trying to think, when I last had my period, I couldn't remember, I was so busy that I hadn't even realized I'd missed it. Another cramp went through me, "what's wrong, why am I getting cramps?" I asked panicking, a thousand things going through my mind. "Look I'm not sure, unfortunately it may be the onset of a miscarriage, I'm just going to organize a scan to make sure" I looked at him in shock as he left the room. Tears were streaming down my face, how could I be so fucking stupid! No protection meant things like this could happen, i was angry at myself and at Jared, we had been so caught up that we just hadn't bothered, now I was screwed. Fuck!!!
Soon after I lay in the white sterile hospital bed, the room was dark while the doctor ran an ultrasound over my stomach. "I'm sorry, there's no detectable heart beat there, so the cramping you're having is most definitely a miscarriage" I looked away, one minute I was pregnant, before I'd had time to digest this I was losing it, shit. Silent tears ran down my face, she went over what was likely to happen and made arrangements for me to be admitted. Over the next few hours the inevitable happened and by that night it was all over. "I've arranged with the producers for you to have the rest of the week to rest, I understand your need for discretion so I've explained that we've treated you for an infection" I thanked her. Lucy took me back home to London and I lay in bed and cried myself to sleep. A few hours later I woke to my phone ringing again, Jared had been texting me, there were 11 texts waiting to be read, and 5 unanswered phone calls. What could I say? I didn't even know how to feel, it would have been a disaster, my career down the toilet before it even had a chance. And what the hell was I meant to tell him, hey we only screwed for a night, but you had a lucky escape, cause you were nearly going to be a father! What the fuck?? I ignored the texts and fell back into an exhausted sleep.