When the day met the night

35

I could hear the beeping of machines, I cracked one eye open, then the other one. I could hear soft whispering at my side, slowly turning my head, there was Jared holding the baby, he was sitting in an armchair at the side of the bed. He had his shirt open and she was lying on his chest with a blanket over her, he was talking to her softly. I tried to reach out my hand to touch her head, but something was holding my arm back. "Hey you're awake, how are you feeling?" he said sitting up carefully, I looked at my arms, two IV's, heart monitor, tubes coming out of everywhere and goodness knows what else. I felt like I'd been run over. "I feel so weak, what happened, is she okay?" I said, my voice croaky. "Oh yeah she's great, they told me to do this, skin on skin, to keep her warm and its keeping her happy, see?" He turned slightly to the side lifting the blanket so I could see her, her little legs were tucked up under her and her arms tucked in, she was lying on his chest, with her eyes closed and a little pout on her lips. She gave a little cry at the loss of warmth and he quickly covered her back up. My heart flipped, she was beautiful, perfect. I looked up at him "she's perfect" he said softly echoing my thoughts. I nodded my head. "What happened?" I asked again. "Uh you started bleeding after she was born, that's why you fainted .." he said lightly, but he couldn't hide the frown as quickly as he'd hoped. "Wait I'll call the midwife" he picked up the buzzer and a couple of minutes later she came in followed by Harry our doctor. "How are you feeling Harper?" he said, "I feel so weak, I'm so tired" I said as I tried to sit up. They all rushed to stop me and the nurse made me lie back again. "Well just after the baby was born you started to bleed, heavily, you lost quite a large volume of blood, so we've given you a transfusion and with lots of rest, you'll feel better in a couple of days" he said brusquely, he went on and on, giving me a thorough explanation, but I tuned out. I was in shock, I couldn't believe it, I stopped him, "I could have died?" I whispered, he nodded, "well, yes, but that's the worst case scenario, luckily we got it under control very quickly and thankfully you're fine" he smiled. They all talked a bit longer then left us alone. I looked over at Jared he was watching me curiously, waiting for me to say something. "Did you know what was happening?" I asked him, "I knew something wasn't right, they were all panicking, running around, they were sticking needles in you. I tried calling out your name but your face was white, you weren't responding, then you lost consciousness. They tried to make me leave the room with the baby but I stayed in the corner until they had it under control. After that they brought you here. You've been out for a few hours, they finally let me come in and sit with you once you were stable" he leant over and kissed me. The baby started grizzling as he moved, I reached out and put my hand on his cheek. "I ... If anything ever happens, you have to promise you'll look after her, please, don't let anyone else take her, please?" I started to cry. "Stop, nothing's going to happen, it's fine you're fine, you're going to be okay" he kissed me again. "Do you want to hold her?" he said, I nodded wiping my tears away "hang on they'll need to help you" he rang the bell again and the midwife Amy, came back, "are we ready for a cuddle?" she smiled, I nodded. She helped me sit up and move the hospital gown out of the way, then she walked over to Jared and plucked the baby out of his arms, it promptly started crying, "hey! take it easy!" he said raising his voice, she ignored him and gently placed her on my chest. She was warm from being in his arms, her crying was subsiding and her mouth started opening this way and that, "I think she's ready for a feed" she said, I looked up at Jared, he was leaning over me his hand playing with my hair, he smiled, "but I'm not really sure how to.." I started saying panicking, "it's okay I will help you". A minute or two later she was feeding, my heart was flipping, I was almost holding my breath, I didn't want to move, "just relax dear, she's fine" Amy said leaving the room. "Can you believe it? We made her?" he said over my shoulder, her little hand was making a fist against my breast, he reached over and stroked it with his finger. "She's divine isn't she?" he said with a happy sigh, I nodded, I couldn't speak I was in shock, totally mesmerized by her, just like I was with him.

She fell asleep a while later and Amy came back in to wrap her and put her in the cot. I lay back trying to stop my eyes from closing, "have a sleep, I'm not going anywhere" I heard him say, "I'll be right here when you wake up" he smiled at me trailing his fingers down the side of my face gently. I nodded and I drifted off. I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I woke up to the sound of his voice. He was standing by the window, talking on the phone quietly. "....fuck I was terrified, I was calling her name and she just lay there not moving, the blood was everywhere, down her legs, it just wouldn't stop and they were putting tubes in, I couldn't even go near her, then they tried to force me out of the room but I wouldn't leave, when I heard them say they were losing her, I nearly went insane ...." he listened to the other person nodding his head, a deep frown marring his features, "yeah I know, I know she'll be ok, I just thought .. fuck I've lost her .... I couldn't bear it, I couldn't, I just couldn't go on ... yeah she's just tired now" he listened again for a minute or two, "okay, I will okay, bye" he turned and noticed that I was awake. His smile appeared again, "when did you wake up?" he came over to the bed. "I'm just dozing, who were you talking to?" I said, he looked surprised, "sorry I didn't mean to wake you up? It was mom I rang her to tell her, about the baby" he smiled, but his acting skills were lacking the smile was forced. "I heard you, what you were telling her"  I said, his smile finally disappeared, "I thought you were sleeping, sorry, I didn't want you to hear that" he was frowning again. "It's okay, I'm just glad I'm okay" I said quietly, he kissed me, "we don't have to think about it, or talk about it if you don't want to, it's over and you're fine" he said. I nodded, "I just want to forget about it for now, maybe we can talk about it, another time" I said. "Sure" he smiled, he carefully lay next to me on the bed. Somehow managing to avoid the tubes and cords. He stroked my face and then peppered my cheeks with kisses. I giggled, I couldn't even hug him, so I stroked his cheek instead, he kissed my lips gently. "See, what did I tell you? I knew it would be okay" he grinned knowingly. I rolled my eyes, but smiled at him happily.