My Life As LGBTQ+: Volume 1

I'm not okay.

***TW: Suicidal discussion.***

I apologize for this chapter in advanced, as it is going to be rather sad.

I'm done lying to myself, I can't take it anymore. I'm not alright right now, I'm not good or fine or okay at all.

I'm not gonna lie, recently I've been suicidal and having a lot of suicidal thoughts and I came decently close to attempting. This past week has had very little emotion, except for the feeling of "Get me out of here, I want to be dead".

What caused this sudden thought process? I'm not really sure, but that doesn't matter because now it's here and I haven't been dealing with it well.

I have been contsantly trying to convince myself that I'm alright and that this is all okay, but it really isn't. Wanting so badly to be nowhere but dead is not good, it's not healthy for anyone. And I'm not totally sure that I knew it wasn't a good thing. I think these types of thoughts are good to have and that I shouldn't listen to others when they try to disagree with the thoughts. And right now, I'm working on trying to listen to those people.

Because there really is no fucking point in creating more anger and more suicidal thoughts, because it will just end up with me dead. And as much as I still want that, I'm trying to tell myself that I can't. No matter how much I want it, there are people in this world that need me and I can't bail on them now. I may want to be dead myself, but I need to keep pushing through for the people I care about.

I may not be okay for a while, but I know there are people that will keep my alive and hopefully, these thoughts will go away eventually. I'm sorry that I wasn't listening very well before, but I promise I am trying to come to my senses.

That is all.