Vero Amore (a Spencer Reid love story)

XIV

Reid's POV

September 18, 2015,

It's been a week since Natalia has been released from the hospital. I believe they've given her a few weeks' vacation due to her kidnapping. They flew her all the way from Oregon to Quantico so that her family and friends could visit her.

The last time I saw Natalia she was sound asleep in her hospital room. I know I told myself that I didn't deserve to see her, but I had to. The chemicals in my brain were constantly instructing me to see her one more time. It was something that even with all the knowledge filled inside my head, I still had no idea why I felt that way.

It was the night after rescuing her and the team had already visited her and left to go back to the hotel. It was three am in the morning and I was 97.35% sure that she was asleep, all of my calculations and predictions were tripled checked.

I remember surreptitiously making my way past all of the rooms and past the night nurses and finally approached her door. I knew knocking would most likely awaken her if she was asleep, so I slightly opened the door and peeked to see if she was sleeping.

My calculations were correct: she was sound asleep.

I remember entering the room, slightly leaving the door open so I wouldn't make too much noise when I left.

She was so beautiful.

No matter how many scars, marks or bandages there were wrapped around her body and face, she resembled the precious doll every young girl desired. Her skin was cleaned and her soft skin was visible now, along with all the bandages.

Her eyes finally seemed at rest, yet her body was so tense. Her spirit and soul seemed trapped inside a glass vessel.

I remember feeling the corner of my eyes begin to burn, and the salty tears began flooding down my face.

She was so beautiful yet so tense and disturbed.

She didn't deserve any of this.

She deserves better, and I didn't let that happen.

I sat in her room crying for around fifteen minutes. I was going to stay longer until I startled one of the night nurses entering the room. She scolded me and I cried even more.

She then offered me a blanket and asked if I wanted to stay over in the room but I told her no and that I would just get back to the hotel. She asked me what my name was and I lied and told her my name was Derek Morgan. I know it's not right but Natalia can't know I was in her room. She'll hate me even more.

***

November 13, 2015

Fifty six days.

Fifty six days since Natalia has shown up at the BAU.

I don't know where she is or if she's okay. I go to the traveling BAU agents' floor and see her desk piled with dust. Not even her chair has been moved a centimeter. I used to go every day to check if she's shown up, but the probability of her coming to work feel slimmer each day. I don't want to lose hope that she's thinking about leaving the FBI, or if I'll ever see her again, but, little by little, that hope seems to be flying away from my fingers.

I've tried asking Garcia if she could locate where Natalia is, just to see if she's okay, but for the first time ever, Garcia won't tell me.

"It's not my place to tell," she'd say.