Hope and Hardships

Chapter Fourteen: Last Minute Doubts and Fears

(Deven)  

"Sorry." I mumble as I accidentally bump into a woman in the mall while I search for my mom in another store. The woman doesn't say a word or glance my way though, too involved as she continues to walk to wherever she is going. She isn't the only person like this as I look around.  

There are way too many people everywhere and I just want to leave. Go back home and be with Daniel instead. I hope it's not going to be long until we leave because I can hardly take it anymore being here.  

I didn't want to spend today lost in the crowds of people on a busy day of shopping because of the sales the day after the holiday. I especially didn't when Daniel chose to stay home by himself  

Well not actually alone when my dad, Jace and of course Tyler is home. That doesn't make it better but worse. I know Daniel hates when I'm constantly around him and asking if he's okay. He probably wants space to breathe without me surrounding him but I feel like I have to. I don't want to leave him alone because I know when he's alone he's depressed. He's thinking of everything that can go wrong. He's thinking about the past and he's not okay.  And I really know he's not okay today after- was it an argument we had?  

He was upset and I still don't think he is over what I said last night.  But I wasn't trying to get him mad. I really wasn't. I was doing everything to avoid him from being upset. I didn't want to ruin the day when all I wanted was to keep him happy. I've been trying to be careful with every word I say. Listen to him, talk and be there but I guess I struggled to yesterday and caused this mess.  

I could have just told him what happened between Tyler and I. Tell him the conversation, which led me to punch Tyler in the room. A stupid argument and fight I didn't have to hide and go around avoiding Daniel's questions about it but I did. I did while mumbling out loud that Tyler said something and that was the reason. I was making a big deal out of the situation but so was he.  

I don't understand. I don't know why Daniel wants to hear what Tyler or anyone at school has to say about him. I can't understand why when it just upsets him and tears him apart. He can barely handle the present, so how is telling him things others say going to help?  

Why can't he listen when I say it doesn't matter and isn't important? Why does he have to get mad when I'm trying to protect him? Why can't he see I don't want him to hurt more than he still is? Why can't he be okay and stop trying to pull himself down over what Tyler wants to say that he knows and I know isn't true?  

Tyler has nothing better to do. I think he takes some sick pleasure in knowing he's getting under my skin, under Daniel's. Causing problems. Little at first last year, between him and I, then the whole school knew. Rumors spread quickly and most days no one says anything now until Tyler made it resurface.  

People from school, whispered when they found out Daniel were pregnant againwith my baby. People have a lot to say but they don't understand. They don't think before they open their mouth whispering loudly when he's right there. Talking about him, giving their opinion when they don't have everything, the facts and truths laying in front of them. They criticize and judge him based on stupid lies they want to believe.  

Tyler started those rumors, made it worse. He wanted to cause this when he thought it would make me stop liking Daniel.  He hates Daniel and he doesn't try to hide it. He even told me why the other day but I didn't tell Daniel. There is no way I will tell him when it doesn't matter. It shouldn't when what Tyler said doesn't change anything. I don't like him. I didn't even know he liked me before but even if  I did it won't change how I feel about Daniel. I want to be with Daniel. I love him and I'll do anything for him and the baby we're going to have together.