Hope and Hardships

Chapter Four: Discussing the Options

One week later: October 7th

I sit in the couselors office waiting for another counseling session to be done with already. I should be used to having to come here twice a week since I have been for almost a month but I'm not. I still can't find a reason why I should be here. I don't see the point when she won't get me to speak again. What happened happened and nothing is going to change it. All I want is for eveyone to understand that but I guess they won't.

"Daniel?" I hear her call my name and immediately get up. Following her down the hall like I have been everytime I come here. Her fake smile making me cringe at the sight. I don't understand how anyone with a job like her can smile. Smile like she's happy to hear other people's problems and give advice like she thinks she's right. What makes her advice any better than anyone else's? Is it just because she has a degree? A stupid degree stating she's right and everyone else is wrong?

I take a seat on the couch in the same spot as last week. My eyes wandering around the room at the toys the little kids must play with lay in the contatiners along with puzzles and so on. Making me wonder how many people have came through these doors and sat down. Being tricked into talking about what's bothering them but not me.

"So Daniel how are you?" she asks as I look out the window on my right. All I'm able to see is a few trees and a fence blocking the sight of the road.

"I see you still don't want to talk to me and that's fine. I was hoping though we could discuss something important." she says.

"Like what?" I ask playing dumb as I glance up at her for a second meeting her eyes.

"I think you know what I'm talking about Daniel."

I don't answer, already knowing what she is getting at and she's right I don't want to talk about it. So why won't she just leave me alone?

"I know this is a subject you rather not talk about but you have to sooner or later. It isn't good to avoid something like this." she says.

"I already know that and I'm not avoiding it." I say getting irritated at everyone trying to tell me I'm avoiding this when I'm not.

"Then will you talk to me about what you're planning on doing? You're thirteen weeks pregnant and I know this isn't something you wanted but you have to think about what you want to do when the baby is born." she replies.

"I don't want it, I'm giving it up for adoption. That's it are we done talking about this?"

"Daniel I'm not trying to make you upset. I only want to let you know you have options. You don't have to decide now but it will be easier if you start thinking about it. Who knows what you will choose when that day comes if you might want to keep the baby." she says making me almost laugh at that thought. Not laughing because it's funny but at how she could even think something like that. What would make her think I would want to?

"I already said I don't want it. I never wanted it to begin with. It's only a reminder of what happened and I don't want that around."

***

Flashback: August 18th

"Daniel, maybe I should take you to the doctors?" my mom suggests sounding concerned as I lift my head up from the kitchen trash can with the bitter taste of last night's dinner lingering in my mouth.

I get up from where I am making my way back to the table taking a seat. My appetite gone and doesn't look like it will be coming back anytime soon.

"I'm fine mom." I reply lying to myself. I'm not fine, I haven't been for a week or two. Feeling sick to my stomach almost every morning once I wake up. Barely able to keep anything down and nothing seems to make it better.