Hope and Hardships

Chapter Eight: Hope and Hardships

December 19th

"Aren't you excited?" Deven asks as we walk out of art class together.

"For what?" I reply confused at why he's so happy. The only thing I'm happy about is that school is over for today but that doesn't bring a smile to my face.

"Winter break, no school for three weeks?" he says and that's when it makes total sense why he's so happy.

I've been so distracted with school and everything else that I forgot Christmas was coming up along with winter break. It isn't like it matters to me anyway. It only means another holiday I'm going to be spending with the Jensen's. And after Thanksgiving I don't really mind. It was nice spending the holidays with people that genuinely care about me. Actually sitting down and eating together like a family. It was different than what I was used to. I never had that experience before with my family.

My parents were always too busy with work and other things. My mom wanted so bad to appear to be the perfect family but in reality we weren't. Holidays just weren't my parents thing especailly my mom with cooking. She couldn't cook if her life depended on it and the cold look my dad gave whenever we did try to talk was chilling. So instead my holidays were spent hanging out by myself while my parents went out for dinner. But that was then I guess and this is now. I have a new family that actually cares so this year will hopefully be a whole lot better.

"Come on you aren't even a little excited?" Deven says nudging me as I get back to reality leaving my thoughts and memories behind.

"Not really Christmas comes every year." I reply.

"Yeah but I didn't know you then." he says.

"And?" I reply.

"And it will be fun to spend more time together without having to worry about school. Or would you rather be in some boring class instead?" he says as we walk through the school's front doors.

"No, but I'm not going to be so excited I'm going to wear a huge smile across my face."

"Aww but I thought you liked it when I smiled?" he replies pretending to be hurt.

I feel myself starting to blush with what Deven said and I turn away. He looks over ready to say something when Jace and Tyler walk over and he starts to talk to them instead. I'm left to my own thoughts as we get in the car and head home.

He's right I do like it when he smiles because it makes me happy inside to see a smile on his face. I like talking to him even though he does most of the talking for the both of us. How he understands me, doesn't judge and accepts me for me. He knows how to make me truely laugh and smile which not many people have ever been able to do. And every time we are together I'm starting to fall more in like with him.

I never felt like this for anyone but that's probably because I never met someone like Deven that could make me feel this way. I used to be scared to get close to anyone or even let anyone know I'm gay but none of that matters. I don't care anymore about what people think of me because that shouldn't be what matters. I deserve to be happy and that's what I'm choosing to be no matter what people think. I have a chance to start over and be the person I want to be here and that's what I'm doing.

But that doesn't mean I'm not still scared of the unknown, of the future and the what ifs that could happen. Afterall my life isn't perfect but hopefully with the holidays I can let myself be happy. Happy that come March the baby I'm carrying will go to a loving family and  I can move on with my life being a normal teen again. Hopefully.

***

(Deven)

"So what's going on with Daniel and you?" Tyler asks sitting on the counter as I walk into the kitchen grabbing a couple of cookies out of a container.