Hope and Hardships

Chapter Three: The Ever Annoying Deven

Two weeks later: September 29th

I turn the the volume up on my old mp3 player as I'm sitting on the bed reading the book I was assigned to read for English. Trying more than anything to block out Deven as he continues to talk to me even though he knows I'm not paying attention. I don't even know why he bothers when I clearly don't want to be friends with him.

I'm not even listening to him right now or know what he's talking about. I wish he would just give up already and find something better to do. The more he tries to be friends with me the more I don't want to be. Why can't he get that through his head?

I glance over noticing he stopped talking and is grabbing the notebook beside him. Opening it up and starting to write something inside. Not long after he rips the paper out and balls the paper up.

I look back down at the book I'm suppose to be reading when I see the balled up paper landing on my bed. I look over at him wondering why he just threw the paper across the room instead of getting up. He shrugs his shoulders and looks away waiting for me to read whatever he wrote.

I give in as I reach for the paper and uncrumble it to see what is says. I can't help but laugh when I see 'hi' written on the paper with a smiley face. Apparently he found a new way to get my attention. I don't know if it should make me happy that he finally stopped talking and decided to write instead.

I reach for a pen on the bed and write 'Uh hi?" down on the paper and ball it back up throwing it back at him. I pretend to continue reading the book when I really don't care for it. Then again I don't really feel like talking to Deven but I guess writing back and forth on a piece of paper isn't as bad.

The note:

Deven: What's with the question mark? You aren't excited to talk to me?

Me: We aren't exactly talking are we?

Deven: Wrting whatever same thing.

Me: No it isn't.

Deven:Why do you always want to be right?

Me: I don't I'm just correcting you.

Deven: So what's up?

Me: The ceiling.

Deven: Haha funny.

Me: I know I am.

Deven: Conceited much?

Me: No, only stating the facts.

Deven:Well if we're stating the facts you're also rude and mean.

Me: I've been told worse.

Deven: Maybe you should be more nice and people will want to be your friend. Oh sorry I forgot you don't want friends.

Me: I never said I don't want friends. I said I'm better off without them.

Deven: Have a bad experience with a friend?

Me: Something like that.

Deven: Sorry.

Me: For what?

Deven: For whatever happened I guess to make you not trust anyone.

Me: It's fine. It isn't like it bothers me anymore.

Deven: Wanna talk about it? I don't have great experience with friends either. If you couldn't tell already I don't have many at school.

Me: I rather not.

Deven: I understand. I should probably shut up with asking personal questions.

Me: Maybe a little bit.

Deven: So is living here as bad as you thought it would be?

Me: No, but I haven't been here that long either.

Deven: And I finally got you to talk to me. ;)

Me: For now.

Deven: Now to convince you to be my friend shouldn't be much harder.

Me: Keep dreaming.

***

The Next Day...

I walk out of the lunch line with my sandwich and water in hand. Taking a seat at the empty table in the corner of the cafeteria like I have been for the past couple of weeks. Ignoring everyone around me just like they ignore me.

After the first day I started attending this school people have gotten over the new kid. Everyone's attenntion has went to the next big rumor to spread around school. I'm no longer the center of everyone's conversation and I couldn't be happier.

I might have enjoyed the attention I got before at my old high school when I was in with the popular crowd but things are different now. I don't want to be that stuck up guy at school that thinks he's better than everyone. Getting everything handed to me when I probably didn't deserve it.

My life seemed easier then but deep down I wasn't really happy. I'm still not happy after everything that has happened but at least I'm not that fake person I once pretended to be. So naive to not even realize the people I once called my friends weren't even friends at all. And the parents I thought loved me more than anything didn't really care about me. It's over now so I guess none of that matters. Or at least it shouldn't but it still does.

Like usual without fail I see Deven making his way over to the table I'm sitting at. I've ignored him for the most part here at school and at home. Well that was until last night when I actually had a short conversation with him if you can even call it that. Now he thinks he's closer to making me his friend when in reality it's farther from it.

I watch as he takes a seat across from me setting his slice of pizza wrapped in foil on the table. "So what's up?"

"Don't you have something better to do?" I reply as I unwrap my sandwich and take a bite regretting even writing back to him last night.

"No," he replies a bit sad.

I then feel stupid for asking when I remember what he said in the note. Deven doesn't have many friends which I didn't really notice until now. Thinking about it I never seen him hanging out with anybody at school and when I do see him talk to someone they never seem to be interested in whatever he is talking about.

"So you can talk to me through a note we passed back and forth but not a real conversation when we talk out loud?" he asks getting my attention. "Or is it you're embarrassed to be seen talking to me?"

"I never said that." I reply getting annoyed how every conversation we have had has been about him. I don't even think I've felt sorry for myself as much as Deven does. And it's starting to make him sound pathetic.

"You didn't have to I could tell the first day you arrived." he says. "Tell what?" I reply.

"The type of person you are. You looked disappointed when you saw me open the door that day. Probably thinking I'm not someone you would want to hang out with or even talk to. Don't worry I'm used to it by now it doesn't even matter." he replies and I can see right away he's lying. He wonders why I might have judged him right away and it's probably because I knew he would be this way. A person that feels sorry for himself when he has no right.  

"You know me so well don't you? Well do you know why I came to live with your family? Why my own parents didn't want me? Why I can't trust people?  Or the secret I'm hiding that makes me want to be left alone? Do you even know anything about me? You don't do you? So why don't you stop judging me and acting like some depressed kid that thinks he has it bad. At least your life isn't as fucked up as mine. Think about that for a while then maybe I'll start to talk to you more and consider being friends. But for now will you just give me space to breathe?" I say hoping I finally got through to him and from the look on his stunned face I think I did.