Some mornings I wake up, go in to my bathroom, and I'm already struggling with gender. My hand will hover over the men's deodorant on my brother's side of the sink for a fraction of a second before I pull it over and shout at myself internally. "No that's not for you, you're a girl," is what I try to say. But what ends up happening is usually me saying "Not yet, maybe tomorrow."
I wake up and my body is like a constant war of female versus male. I want to just throw the whole female stuff down the drain, cut off my about 16" hair off to maybe 1 to 2 inches. I want to throw on men's clothes that aren't my brothers and just be able to say "These are mine", I want to be tall, taller than a short 5'1", I want facial hair, I want to grab that men's deodorant and put it on. That's how I'm feeling right now at least.
Other days I wake up and I stroke my long hair, I say to myself how much I love it, look at my frilly red lace shirt and throw it on with excitement at how it'll look on me, I'll put on mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow and think to myself "I look so pretty today, I feel great" But recently it feels like the female side of me is in drought and I'm drowning in the need for testosterone.
I always think to myself that I can't be transgender, that there's no way. That I'm just a girl who likes what men's lives have to offer, but as of recently it's been a bit too out of control. And so now I find myself sitting on my bed with pink sheets in a pink room at 12:35 am writing this sentence.
YOU ARE READING
Am I Transgender?
RandomAs by my username you can tell something isn't all right. Or at least something gender wise isn't. Nothing adds up in my life anymore and sometimes it can get so frustrating, so I've decided to write everything I bottle up on a daily basis due to ge...
