i chose to.
i know i did.
i could have moved on like every other girl did.
but i didn't.
i chose to stay and get torn down by your creamy brown eyes and sparkling white smile.
everyone always talks about this little tingle in their stomach. butterflies, they call them.
but i didn't feel that.
what i felt was much more than that.
they weren't wimpy little butterflies, no, they were everything, but that.
i felt a crashing panic, a screaming pain, I felt a thousand anvils in the form of a bright grin and a happy hello, slam into my chest at a crushing speed with no hesitation behind them.
no time to breathe.
because i loved you when i was dancing on cloud 9 and screaming to the world about my happiness.
and i loved you when it was 2am and i was curled up on my bed crying hysterically for 2 hours with no one to hear me.
i always blamed you for it.
said "well he shouldn't have talked to me in the first place."
but no. it's my fault. i chose to slowly kill myself with some hope that there may be someone to love under that preppy jock exterior.
i could have said no. i won't fall for you. but instead i fell at lighting speed and I didn't regret it.
until i hadn't slept for days.
until i had cried for hours at a time.
until i refused to eat.
until all of my friends started to believe that i was just another sappy martyr who falls for the captain of the football team and dreamed of what we would name our kids in the future.
now i sit. alone. saddened by the fact that you will never reciprocate the passion i feel towards you. all of my friends dislike me dispite their talking to me. and even my own mother won't look at me without worry in her eyes.
and yet it is my own fault. i can blame no one but myself. i hate you more than anyone could possibly fathom, and yet your name is still written in black permanent ink on my arm and I can't get it off.
why won't it come off?
