the first year i knew you, we didn't actually speak very much. i didn't know much about you. everyone called you weird. i didn't think you were weird. i thought you were different - a good different. you dared to break the mold. i thought that was a good thing.
we spoke occasionally - you were nice to me. you were a nice person.
the first thing i think i ever knew about you was your talent - art. your pictures came to life. your sculptures moved with earth and water. they made me feel things I had never felt before. yes, that was the very first thing.
the next year we spoke more. i could call you an acquaintance. you had wavy brown hair and big brown eyes. your eyes could speak more than any vocal cords ever could. your smile made me smile, bigger than i ever had.
and then the next year, there was a school trip, and we went to the bombing memorial and the science museum because our school thought it would be educational. mcdonalds at the end. we spent most of the time the together. joked and laughed constantly, and i noticed more about you. you have a slight lisp. you have the dirtiest sense of humor even more than me. you are unbelievably creative and you like to draw and read. you have a two sisters, one older and one younger than you, both stunning. one is very nice - the other kind of a jerk. you're the middle child. you were bullied at school. probably because you weren't incredibly intelligent.
at the time, there was a girl, one of my friends supposedly had a crush on you. but i didn't know if she did - she seemed to live in a world of make believe. And that was when i started to feel jealous, which confused me. i didn't think i liked you in that way.
she stopped liking you, and i was still questioning it, starting to see you in a new light.
and the feeling, that was just a seed at first, grew.
and grew.
this year, i love you. i miss you when you're next to me. i want so badly to hold your hand and kiss you but you aren't here and you aren't mine.
i've learnt more about you.
adhd, suspected mulitple personality disorder, depressive episodes. and you always smile like it's the last time, like every smile has to count. you are filled with stories from your travels. you're kind to people who are unkind to you. you want to see the best in everyone.
i don't deserve you.
and the worst thing is, you know how i feel about you. but it can't work because most young relationships don't work out and you don't want to ruin our friendship. so i have to settle for just a friend when i'm desperately craving your touch.
i love you, and that's all i know now.
love,
the girl who sits next to you in science.
