Changes

Chapter Ten

Yesterday was just like Monday. Going to school and then going home and spending time with Dally until we fell asleep. But today was different. I was nervous and I felt like crying. Denise's funeral was this afternoon and I wasn't ready at all, I was terrified. I hated funerals. I've been through so much and I was scared to deal with another death. I didn't talk to Dally as we woke up and did the usual morning routine. I was too deep in my thoughts.

I didn't eat because I felt like I would be sick any second. "Jana, what's wrong? Why aren't you being yourself?" Dally looked at me and sat down at the table. I shrugged. "Jana, c'mon!" He stood back up and walked up to me. I sighed. "I'm just scared." I whispered. "Why?" He asked. "Because! Because I'm going to a family members funeral! The only family member that actually wanted to take me in after my father was murdered! I thought coming to Tulsa would make my life normal, but no, there's a bunch of those Soc's that think they can jump poor innocent old ladies and nothing will happen! I just feel like I have no one anymore. My families gone. None of them want me, the ones who truly cared are dead and there's nothing I can do to change that." I started rambling off and was basically yelling and crying at Dally. I was about to keep talking when he picked me up and wrapped his arms around me. "Everything's gonna be ok." He whispered. "I just hate this." I looked at him. "I know, but you gotta get through this so you can keep going and try to make your life better, ya know?" Dally smiled sympathetically. I nodded and he put me down. "Why do I have to be going through this? Like Jesus I'm only 16!" I shook my head and sat on the counter. Dally looked me up and down and then stood in between my legs. "Hey, look. I don't know if this'll help any, but I've been through shit. I used to live in New York and when I was 10, I got taken to jail for the first time, man I was terrified. But I'm just sayin', I know what you're feelin', being so young and going though somethin' like this. But I'll be here and things will get better." He told me. "Do you really think so? I feel like things are just gonna get worse." I looked at him. He shook his head. "You just gotta let nothin' bother you babe." He smiled and held my hand. "That's what I learned to do." He rested his forehead against mine. "The only good thing about Tulsa now is that I have you and the other guys." I smiled and looked up at him. "And I'm glad you came here! Like you're a great girl Jana." He smiled back at me.

I got off the counter. "Well, we should get ready for the funeral." I sighed. We went upstairs and I put on a black long sleeved dress. Dally put on a suit and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. "You look amazing!" I giggled. "Yea, I hate suits, I need my leather jacket and my jeans man!" He laughed and looked me up and down then bit his lip. "If anyone looks amazing here, it's you." He smirked and I blushed.

We walked downstairs and then outside and up to the Curtis'. I knocked at the door and Johnny opened it. He half smiled then let us in. The guys were all there. Sitting around just waiting. They were all wearing suits too which I thought was really sweet. Dally went and sat down next to Ponyboy. "Hey, how are ya feelin' today?" Sodapop came up to me and smiled. I sighed. "I mean I am struggling, but I think if I don't really think about things I'll be ok." I smiled and he hugged me. "It's gonna be tough, but I'll stay by your side the whole time if you want, me, Darry and Ponyboy know how you're feelin'." He smiled at me. "Thanks Sodapop." I whispered and then looked at the guys. "You guys bout' ready to go?" I asked while rocking back and forth on my heels. The all kinda nodded and stood up.

We all walked outside and to the backyard. "Somebody can drive with me!" Two-bit smiled and Steve ran to the car. "We'll meet ya there!" Steve waved and they drove away. "Ponyboy, Johnny and Sodapop, y'all can sit in the flatbed of my truck, let Jana sit in the cab with me and Dal." Darry looked at them and they nodded.

I got in the truck and Darry and Dally got in on each side of me. Darry put the key in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway. "Darry, where is the funeral at?" I looked up at him. "Some church a couple streets up, we'll be there in 10 minutes." He smiled while keepin' his eyes on the road. I nodded then looked at Dally. "You're nervous?" He raised an eyebrow. "Is it that easy to tell?" I giggled. "Yea! Even you're laugh sounds nervous!" He smiled. "Of course I'm nervous!" I shrugged. "You don't gotta be nervous Jana." Darry nudged me. "Everything'll be fine, trust me!" He looked at me real quick then looked back at the road. "I just... Don't wanna see her... Like that." I said quietly. "You won't, they'll close her casket before you come in, you're gonna be the only family, no one else from her family lives here anymore." Darry said. "Does that mean I'm walking in by myself?" I looked at Dally. "I'll walk in with you." He smiled and held my hand as we pulled into the driveway of the church.

I got out and sighed. Ponyboy, Soda and Johnny jumped out the back and came over to me. "Do you want all of us to walk in with you?" Soda asked. "Yea, that'd be great actually." I nodded. Steve and Two-bit walked out of the church. "Ok, I think I'm ready to go in now." I said to Dally and he took my hand. The guys all went first up the stairs into the church. There were 7 steps. I counted to keep from crying. Then me and Dally walked up and in. There were a lot of old people there and they all have me condoling glances. I looked up and saw the closed casket. Damn. She really was gone.

Me and Dally sat down in the front row with the rest of the guys. I was in between Dally and Sodapop. I looked around and saw mine and Pony's English teacher. I remember her sayin' something about Denise but I didn't expect her to take a day off of work to come to the funeral. "Everything alright?" Soda whispered. "Huh? Oh yea." I smiled and then the funeral service began.

I didn't even pay any attention to it. I was so out of it. Maybe I was in shock. I looked up at the guy who was doing the service and he looked at me. "Her final request, as she was being inspected by the paramedics was that her niece Jana be taken good care of. She said that she wishes that Darrel Curtis would look out for her." The guy smiled and looked at all of us. I looked at Darry and he smiled.

The funeral continued and my thoughts took over. "I don't have any family anymore, they're all gone. Dead or they don't want or care about me. I'm an orphan and all I've got is myself." I was thinking and it made me cry. "Jana, it's ok." Dally said and put an arm around me. I sighed and wiped my eyes. Soda looked at me and held my hand. "You'll be ok." He smiled.

The funeral ended and then there was the burial and then a reception at some court house. The whole gang and me got there first. "Ooh boys look at all the food!" Steve smiled at Soda. "Eat whatever you want guys!" I laughed and sat down at a table. Ponyboy and Johnny came over. "Here, you should eat somethin'!" Ponyboy handed me a plate with a sandwich and a couple of sweets on it then he sat down. "Thank you." I smiled and took a bite from the sandwich. "That wasn't too much for ya was it? Like all those people lookin' at ya?" Johnny looked at me. "Not really, it didn't really bother me." I smiled and took another bite from my sandwich.

I had to deal with a bunch of little old ladies coming up to me and saying sorry for my loss and how Denise was their friend and they always had tea together and stuff. I eventually got really tired of talking to people so I went and sat on Dally's lap and no one came near me. "I wanna go home." I looked at him. "Ok, let's get the guys and we can go." He stood up and we got all the guys and we went home.

I was thinking about what Dally said. About trying to get over this and make my life better. I mean, these guys that just took me into their gang and treat me amazing are now my whole life, I'm gonna make my life happy with their help.