My mind is blank right now and its quite peaceful. Nothing to be sad about, im feeling content for now. Memories fill my mind but this time they're happy ones. Like last summer when I self taught myself to play guitar and learned one of my favorite songs. Or the night me and him had a 9 hour phone call until 8 in the morning and talked about the things we liked and he asked me to sing to him at three in the morning because he liked the way it sounded. He told me if I was tired to go to sleep but after a silent yawn id refuse, I didn't want to leave. Sometimes I wish I would have fell in love with him instead. His mind is so beautiful and I love listening to him talk about space. I dont know what is is but after three years he came back to me. After pushing him away, he came back to me.. Im slowly becoming happy again, for real this time. I have my bad days and hes always right there.. he tells me how lucky he is to have me around him again. He tells me everything will be okay and its something about him that makes me believe hes right. Hes making his way into my dreams and I dont know how to feel. I dont want to mess it up again. He listens to my sleepy rambles and laughs when I say something weird.. I want something real again. I want to have a hand to hold that actually plans on staying with me.. possibly for the rest of their life. The idea of spending your life with some is both insane and beautiful. Theres going to be a moment when someone will look into my eyes and think "damn I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl" and they will know they are fully in love with me. Thats a mind blowing thought, that maybe one day, someone will be truly fully in love with me..
