is this what it's like now? it's been four months since you've left me again and this time i know this is the end, i'm staying no more. but is this what it is now? i've met a lovely person whose sweet and cares about me but every day i'm scared that every time he tells me he loves me and i can't say it back that it breaks his heart a little more. it feels unfair i'm sure for him too, that because of you i don't know if i'm capable of love. don't get me wrong i'm over you and everything, i can't even remember what you looked like or what i liked about you which i'm more then happy about but still you've robbed me of feeling how i used to feel when i first met you. he has everything i ever wanted. he's funny and plays guitar, he treats me like a princess and talks to me like i mean the world to him. he cares about how i feel and always talks about things when something isn't quite right, he even watches all my favorite shows so he understands when i talk about them. he has a beautiful smile and shiny blonde curls and a special laugh that's intoxicating but for some reason i still can't manage those three measly words and i know it bothers him, he's told me actually. i've tried, but i can't just say it because thats not who i am. when i love, i love and right now i guess i'm just trying to redefine the word. sometimes i feel guilty, like i'm holding him away from someone who could give him more then i can because you left me with nothing and i'm rebuilding from scratch. he deserves the world and everything it has to offer ya know? he's a glimmer of sunshine in a world that has none, in my world i'm recreating. yet still i wonder if i'm wasting his time, if i'll never be able to tell him i love him or just stealing away a year of his life. sometimes i wish i was on my own, not because of him but because i could have given him so much more if i just had the time to fix me and been patient. i was so hungry for anyone who made me feel something that i dragged him in to the mess that is me. he sits so comfortably while wars wage in my head, he pets my hair as waves crash behind my eyes and it just reminds me how selfish i was to have stolen an angel for myself when i'm terrified because i don't know if i'm going to break his heart. i hope i don't break his heart
