Thoughts and Rambles

a piece for forensics Maybe - incomplete

I remember when I used to constantly check my weight throughout the day. I'd get more frustrated and insecure every time I stepped on the scale.

I remember when it literally got to the point where I denied myself a meal because I was a few ounces over my ideal weight.

I remember having nights where I'd (ANOTHER WORD FOR "OBSESSED" HERE) over the idea of being "Skinner," hoping that then I'd be somehow more acceptable to my peers. Nights like those fxcking sucked!

A Rabbits diet was what I had limited myself to.

"No sugars, no carbs!"

I wouldn't even drink juice or eat fruit in fear that their natural sugars would give me skin blemishes.

I'd have water and the occasional salad or non fat yogurt when I thought my stomach was going to cave in or the cramps were getting to the point where i could bare it any longer.

Looking back at it now, I shouldn't have been as concerned with my appearance.

I was only 11.

How could the media's corrupt opinion of what the perfect girl should look like affect someone so young in such a huge way?

There are girls much older (and maybe even younger) then I was going through the same thing.

Comparing.

Self hating.

Demoting.

Over this image that society has planted within us that we stopped focusing on what we had and started under appreciating (beating ourselves down over) these so called flaws, it's ridiculous!

My 11 year old self was afraid of being shunned because of the way i looked.

My 11 year old self was afraid of being ridiculed because of how i dressed.

My 11 year old self was afraid of the judgement that came from the vicious minds of children that the corporate machine had molded to think and act in a certain way, that it caused me to think less of myself.