Fifty Shades Of Grey: My Years With Elena #Explicit [Fifty Shades] #fanfic

CHAPTER TWELVE

"See you both next week," Claude beams as he heads towards the door. His eyes find mine as I stand doing some warm-down stretches by the exercise bench. "Keep up the good work, Grey. That's the first time you've put me on my ass. You must have been really focused this past week."
Oh if only you knew...
I nod. "I look forward to doing it again."
He shakes his head and chuckles. "We'll just have to see about that, kid." He turns to Elena. "Great job today Mrs. Lincoln. I'm delighted with your progress."
Elena beams. "Thank you, Claude. I have a good teacher. You'd like him."
Laughing he heads out of the door. Elena closes it softly behind him, locks it and walks slowly towards me, her eyes not leaving mine. I take a deep breath and sit down on the exercise bench.
We haven't spoken since I got here. I had a very fitful night's sleep last night, where I tossed and turned worrying about facing Elena today. Consequently, I overslept and arrived late. Claude had already arrived and set up by the time I breathlessly burst through the door, so I had to pretty much start my session with him immediately.
She stands before me just out of reach and I fight every instinct I have not to throw myself at her. I clear my throat.
"Elena...we need to talk."
Her eyes widen slightly and I don't know if it's from fear or surprise or a mixture of both.
Keep it together, Grey...
"I've done a lot of thinking this past week," I begin. "And you were right. I'm not ready..."
Elena suddenly grabs my face. "I'm so sorry Christian. I should never have said that. If you believe you're ready, then we'll try and..."
I grab her hands and squeeze them, silencing her. "I'm not, Elena." I sigh. "Sadly at the moment, I don't even think I'm anywhere near. I've had extra sessions with Dr. Flynn this week, where I finally opened up and told him the whole story, from what happened in my childhood," I pause, momentarily shutting my eyes. "...to everything about our relationship."
Elena gasps. "You told him about me...about what we do?"
I nod. "I didn't mention any names and I won't. I just said you were someone I worked for last summer when I was looking to raise some extra cash."
She looks apprehensively at me. "No one will ever know about us Elena. You have my word. I would never betray you like that."
She nods and looks a little more relieved. "Thank you." She whispers.
I nod. "Can we get out of here and go and lie down on the bed in the boudoir? I've hardly slept, worrying about today." I take a deep breath. "When is Linc back?" I ask resignedly.
"I put him on a plane to New York this morning. He's not back for at least another week." She smiles. "Of course we can go to bed. You do look exhausted." She extends an elegant hand. "Come."
"Maybe later," I smirk and place my hand in hers.

At the top of the landing she leads me down the hall, but we don't stop at the door that leads onto her boudoir. We continue past and then she pushes open the following white wooden door and pulls me in behind her.
Whoa!
We are in a beautiful, large bedroom. All decked out in pale blues and white wooden furniture. It is as far removed from the boudoir as you could possibly get.
"This is lovely, Elena," I breathe, taking in its serene tranquillity.
She squeezes my hand. "Glad you like it. I thought you'd find it easier to relax in here. Not so many memories and...distractions."
I nod.
"This is my bedroom," she continues softly. "Seeing as Linc re-designed the master suite himself, I left him with it when we separated. I took this room and my adjoining dressing room." She emphasises the last two words with finger quotes, making me grin.
"Make yourself comfortable, Christian. Would you like something to drink? Water, Tea, Coffee...Wine?"
I spy the coffee maker on one of the large dressers. "Coffee would be great. I don't want to get sleepy now." I move towards it. "I'll get it - would you like one?"
"NO!" She snaps making me jump. "You go and relax. I'LL get the coffees."
My Domme has made a sudden appearance. I lower my head and she squeezes my hand. "Please, Christian, just go and lie down."
I meet her eyes and they're not the glittering ice-blue I was expecting. They're much softer, making my heart ache.
"Okay." I acquiesce and letting go of her hand I make my way over to the simple four-poster, covered in a pale blue satin cover, embroidered with blue roses.
I ease off my sneakers and suddenly remember how sweaty I am.
"Elena...maybe I should shower first."
She turns holding two mugs of steaming coffee.
"There really is no need. I'm a bit sweaty too. Besides, I love the smell of your sweat. It's...intoxicating." She finishes with a whisper as she gets to the bed.
I swallow. "As is yours," I breathe. "I love your skin as it is now - pink and glowing."
We hold each other's gaze as she hands me the mug. I crack first and turn my head.
Stay focused, Grey.
I place the warm mug on a coaster on my bedside cabinet and then slide onto my side of the bed. Sighing, Elena does the same. She takes a sip of coffee and rests the mug on her ample chest as it rises and falls gently beneath it...
FOCUS!
"We don't have to talk, Christian," she begins softly. "You don't have to tell me anything about what happened in your past. It won't make a difference to me."
I reach over and run the back of my hand gently down her face. "I want to. If I have any chance of taking our relationship to the next level, I have to."
She nods. "Okay," she whispers. "Whenever you're ready."
I take a deep breath. "My problems seem to have begun around my third birthday..."

"...and so all these years where I couldn't bear to see myself shirtless in the mirror, couldn't bear to touch the bare skin on my chest when I showered, could only just tolerate Mia getting close to me...it wasn't just because I hated myself. I actually have a medical condition." I finally release a deep breath from my lungs as I feel a great weight lift off my chest.
Elena runs her thumb gently over my lips. "I'm so, so sorry Christian. No child should go through what you did. But it's no reason to hate yourself. You did nothing wrong. And you've had a second chance in life. Your new family love you very much."
I squeeze my eyes shut.
No they don't...it's only Mia who does...
"Christian...you do believe they love you...don't you?"
I shake my head keeping my eyes firmly closed. "They didn't choose me," I whisper, my throat tight from years of unshed tears. "They chose Elliot and they chose Mia. I was just a kid they ended up rescuing."
"Oh Christian!" Elena scolds. "Don't EVER let Grace hear you say that. It would break her heart." She pauses as my heart constricts in my chest.
"Look at me."
I shake my head.
"Goddammit Christian, look at me or so help me I will grab my hairbrush and beat you with it!" She snarls.
FUCK!
My eyes spring open and my Domme has made an unwelcome return. "Don't you dare close your eyes again until you have fully heard me out. Do you understand?" She snaps.
I nod and stare at her wide-eyed.
"I first met your mother at a charity event...what...thirteen or so years ago. I had never met her before, but joint friends of ours who knew her well, were all commenting on how upset and distracted she seemed to be that night. There were even rumours of a major tiff with Carrick. Anyway, she was giving a speech that night and when she shakily got to the microphone, she apologised for having to cut her planned speech short - explaining it was because she had treated a little boy the previous night in the ER with the worst case of physical abuse and neglect she had ever witnessed in a child - and that she was going straight back to the hospital after her speech, to check on him. I also heard later, that Carrick had taken up the case and was trying to bring to justice the man who had harmed you."
I gasp.
Why has no one ever told me this?
She strokes my face. "So you see, they did love you from the first moment they saw you and they DID choose you. Yes they wanted to help you, but they could have just set you up somewhere nice with another family. They fell in love with you from the onset and were determined to do everything it took to adopt you as their son."
Whoa...this is so much to take in...
"I next saw Grace when I bumped into her in JC Penney's a couple of months later." She continues. "She didn't remember me, but when I re-introduced myself and asked about you, her face lit up and she invited me for a coffee at the store. She was so excited that the adoption was going through, she was practically bouncing on her chair."
"I can't believe it," I whisper. "All this time...they never said. I know dad tracked down the pimp and made sure he sent him down for a long time, but the only thing he's ever said was he was of Hispanic/Latino origin - so he definitely wasn't my real father. The pimp denied knowing who that was or having anything at all to do with me - apart from the physical abuse." I shudder.
She strokes my face. "I'm so, so sorry, darling boy. I promise to do everything I can to help you through this. We'll take it slow...or not at all..."
I gasp. "No! No, Elena please. I don't want to stop that side of our relationship. I like it." I stop, briefly closing my eyes. "I need it." I whisper.
"I know you do," she whispers back. Stroking my lips. "But you must tell me if it ever gets too much. You must promise me you will safeword and not just persevere with it because you think you'll upset me. You have all the power, Christian. Remember that."
I nod. "It's been a pretty intense few days," I breathe. "I think I need a distraction."
Her soft ruby red lips pull into a sexy smirk. "You wanna...play?"
Oh hell yeah...

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