Fifty Shades Of Grey: My Years With Elena #Explicit [Fifty Shades] #fanfic

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tears are still streaming down my face when I arrive home. I stagger blindly into the garage and rest my bike against the far wall.
"Well, if it's not the gym bunny."
In my blind despair, I hadn't noticed my brother crouching by his trail bike, tool box open and his large hands covered in treacle-like engine oil.
Fuck off, Elliot...
I ignore him, but to get into the house I have to walk past him.
I can't let him see that I've been crying...
I swipe at my eyes and keep my head down as I try to get past. Elliot rises and stretches lazily upwards.
"Shame it's only her exercise bike you're riding..."
Before I can check myself, I explode at him, grabbing him by the throat and launching him against the garage wall, without loosening my grip.
"DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT!" I scream in his face.
My right arm is primed and ready to punch the crap out of him.
"Okay, okay bro, take it easy!" He squeaks as my fingers continue to crush his throat. "I'm sorry." He holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
His eyes are beginning to bulge and for the first time I see something in them I have never seen before.
FEAR.
Shit!
I release my grip and he slides down the wall, clutching his throat and gasping for breath.
Holy fuck. I'm in so much trouble...
"Sorry Elliot...you just caught me at a bad moment," I mumble.
He nods, his breathing thankfully getting stronger.
"S'Okay. I was being an asshole." He croaks.
I nod, acknowledging the apology and the fact that he is an asshole.
He looks up at me through watery blue eyes. "You okay? You look like you've been crying."
Oh Christ, you're the last person I want to discuss my shit with...
I rub my forehead. "It's...it's just been a shitty day. I just want to go to bed."
Elliot rises slowly to his feet and looks like he's about to say something else, but then he just frowns, opens the side door that leads into the kitchen and steps aside.
Without looking at him, I slip gratefully past. I creep into the kitchen and checking the coast is clear, race through stealthily into the hallway and take the stairs three at a time. I burst through my bedroom door, close it behind me and hurl myself onto my bed, as huge sobs wrack my body.

I don't know how much time has elapsed as I slowly open my heavy eyelids. My bedroom is bathed in purple hues, so it's been at least an hour. I can feel my pillow is still damp from my tears. It's then I realise something.
I'm not alone...
Something warm is pressed into my back, whilst gentle fingers stroke my hair. I jerk my head round and come face to face with a pair of huge dark eyes, set in the cutest face on the planet...
Oh thank God.
"Mia," I breathe through a tight throat, sore from crying. "What are you doing here?"
"Our dipshit brother told me you were upset, so I came to find you."
"Mia don't cuss. It's not becoming for a young lady."
Mia rolls her eyes. "Jeez Christian, what century did you come from? Besides, you call him a dipshit all the time."
Despite everything - all the trauma of the day, the scene with Elliot and the lingering exhaustion and despair - I manage to smile. I twist the rest of my body so I am now lying on my side facing her and tenderly take an escaped tendril of silky jet hair off her cheek. She turns her face and kisses my hand.
Oh my darling, sweet little sister.
"So...what's upset you? Elliot thought it was him, but he said you looked liked you'd been crying before you bumped into him."
"Has he told mom or dad?" My heart sinks at the thought.
Mia shakes her head. "Mom's working late - some emergency at the hospital and dad only got in ten minutes ago. Elliot's still trying to put his stupid bike together as far as I know." She strokes my cheek. "For once, I think he did the right thing."
"That'd be a first." I chuckle and then sober up. "But I will clear the air with him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"So..?" Mia persists, inquisitive as ever. "If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you."
I close my eyes, sigh deeply and roll onto my back. Opening my eyes, I look warily at her.
"You really want to help me?"
"YES! How many more times?"
I smirk at her annoyed little face, then open my arms. "Then come and hold me and stop asking so many damn questions."
She frowns and pouts at me, then sighing in defeat, she slides across and puts her arm round my waist and her head on my chest.
"I love you, Christian Trevelyan-Grey." She murmurs into my chest. "Even when you're being a secretive pain in the ass!"
I chuckle and give her a squeeze in return.
And I love you, my darling Mia Trevelyan-Grey. Maybe one day I'll actually be able to say it to you. Why can't I say it out loud? She says it so often to me and I don't say it back. I just...can't. It's like if I do, she'll disappear like...
I squeeze my eyes shut to prevent the tears.
I can't say 'I love you' back. I can't say it to anyone. The last person I said it to was...
My gut twists in that familiar way and I fist my free hand to prevent Mia from feeling it.
I can't tell anyone I love them, the only touch I can bare is harsh, and the only person who I can tolerate to get this close is my little sister - probably because I've held her from day one and therefore I'm able to cope with it. Also, after the way I behaved earlier, I doubt Elena will want anything more to do with me and I can't remedy it, because I hate myself so much I can't get naked with her...
Fuck...better book a double session with Dr. Flynn...