Dear Jace | U.S. Army

Can't Wake Up

Jace's P.O.V

Everything, my whole surroundings is a rusty shade of yellow, from the dry, grainy sand, to the setting sun, everything is that bland shade of mucky yellow, even our uniforms, since we need to be able to blend in. I hate it here. But that doesn't matter, because I'm not doing this because I have to, it's because I want to, I want to sacrifice myself for America. But suddenly a loud bang rings in the distance, and then one of ours falls to the ground, receiving help immediately.  An Afghan sniper has spotted our location. Next thing I know, we are in the line of fire as rounds of our ammunition are fired at our enemy, bullets going in all directions. It was at that moment where I see the gun from the enemy, point directly at my comrade and my best friend, Keith.

"Hey, LOOK OUT!!!" I yell at him and on impulse, dive in front of him right as the trigger was pulled as Keith quickly ducked down.

I sit straight up in my bed, breathily heavily as I look around, my eyes frantic. "I'm home, I'm home, it was just a dream, nothing to worry about" I think to myself. I glanced down at my hands, noticing them trembling as well as the feeling of sweat dripping down the edges of my face.

I notice Clarise stir in her sleep as she turns over and focuses her gaze on my terrified state. "Jace, you okay? I heard you talking in your sleep."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm fine. Just a dream, nothing more." I say.

"You sure?"

"Yes, now go back to sleep." I order, not wanting to talk this early in the morning. I lay back down, closing my eyes and trying my very hardest to go back to sleep, but only end up staring at my alarm clock for the rest of the night.

That same dream, that same nightmare continued every day. It came to the point where I haven't slept in two days, and I was left with heavy bags under my eyes.

Clarise's P.O.V

Over a week has passed, and I can still notice the significant change in Jace's sleep pattern. I
I listen to the dial tone as a wait for Jace's mom to pick up.

"Hello? Who is this?" I hear her answer from the other line.

"Hi, this is Clarise. I just wanted to inform you about Jace, that is if you don't know already."

"Oh it's so nice to hear from you Clarise! So what is this you want to tell me about my Jace?" Jace's mom politely asks.

"I don't know how to explain it in all honesty, so bear with me. Anyways, I've noticed he hasn't been sleeping a lot, and when he is, he is always mumbling the same thing repetitively. I'm not too sure, but I think when he came home, he brought the war with him. I mean that's all I can come up with. But I'm worried about him, and he is your son so I thought you should know." I explain myself as Jace's mom listens on the other side.

"Oh dear, I thought this would happen. You see he isn't the only one. My grandfather, Jace's great grandfather, was in World War Two. I remember all of the stories he used to tell, not about war, but before he was sent off. And when he came back, no more stories. Even though I was only a young girl at the time, I remember it like it was yesterday. I always liked sleeping over his house, and so one day when I asked him if I could stay with him for the weekend, and this was about three months after his return may I add, he said no. " I hear Jace's mom sniffle. "He never said no, because no matter what he had planned at the time, he would put it aside just to spend time with me, except that one time, he did. And it wasn't his fault, it was war's fault. "

"I'm, I'm so sorry." Is all I manage to spit out after a moment of thought and silence.

"Oh no need to apologize. I didn't tell ya that for a pity party, I told you that story to tell you that with my experience, there is nothing you can really do. Sometimes it will fade, others, not. It's different for every person, just make sure to remind him every once in a while about who he is, don't let him lose himself."

"I'll try. I really will. I won't let that happen. " I reply, promising myself.

"Good, now unfortunately I have to go, my casserole is ready. I'll talk to you next time hun, and if there is anything you need, you know the number to call. "

"Alright, we'll see you later then." I say.

"Anytime sweetie, anytime." I hear the click of the phone as she hangs up. When I turn around, Jace his leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, his face boiling red.

"Why did you tell her?" He asks, his voice hard and stern.

Tell her what?" I say, my voice light.

"You know exactly what. Why did you tell her?" Jace asks again.

"Because she is your mother and deserves to know."

"That doesn't mean anything, mother or not, you aren't the one to decide who to tell."

"Look Jace, I'm concerned about you. I love you, and I don't like seeing you," I pause. "Like this."

Jace's face softens. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, it's just...it's just I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Not with those images replaying in my mind every second. " he whispers.

I walk over and huh him, pulling him close to my chest. "There is nothing to be afraid of. You are home, with me, your family close by. And we are all here for you and love you. " I whisper into his ear, then release my grasp, taking his hands and holding them, looking directly into his hazel eyes.

"I know that, it's just I can't sleep because when I do, it's like I'm back there and I have to relive everything."

"Mind telling me exactly what you're dreaming about?"

"Getting shot. I made it seem like it wasn't a big deal so you wouldn't worry, but it really was. Like I mentioned before, it was either do or die. And so when I acted in saving a friend, I was the one to suffer the consequence. And to me there was no 'do' at the time, it was just 'die.' I thought I was going to die Clarise, I really did. But-"

I cut him off, "You didn't."

"You don't understand, I-" He tries to continue.

"You are completely right. I won't understand, and most likely never will. But look at me Jace, feel my face, I am standing directly in front of you right now. What you did out there, yes you got hurt, but you saved someone. And that took will. Will power I could never have because if it were me, I would mostly freeze dumb. But you, you acted and saved your friend, and because of you, that person-"

"Keith." Jace adds.

"Right, Keith. Keith got to be reunited with his family. That is something you should feel good about."

"Yeah, I should, shouldn't I?"

"Definitely." I say, and with that Jace wraps his hands around my neck, gently closing the space between us as our lips conjoin.