OPEN [boyxboy] ✓

twenty-nine:: when you learn how to bond.

[HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AMYTHING BUT THREE PIECES FROM MY AP PORTFOLIO; PillowTalk Zayn Malik]

this is pretty long tbh...

TWENTY-NINE: when you learn how to bond.

I didn't feel better.

It was early. That was all I could confirm as I woke up, never really having slept properly. I'd spent the night in Paul's arms, his soft snoring in my ear and my body pressed against his but as bad as I wanted to ignore my mind and find peace in Paul, I couldn't. I wanted to relax and let my boyfriend hold me but there was guilt embedded in me.

I was holding him back and I was a liar and I didn't deserve anything close to this.

It was bright outside when I found myself slipping out of his hold, it had to be around five in the morning. Realizing that it was a school day, I groaned at the thought of getting up. I didn't want to pull myself out of his arms, his arms being one of my favorite things.

Running my fingers over his tattoos and slipping out of his hold, I looked down at Paul and sighed. I felt a smile stretching across my face at the way his eyebrows furrowed before he reached around, huffing when he didn't feel me beside him. And slowly his eyes blinked open, them nearly fully open when he gave up. Leaning down, I placed a small kiss on his full lips, watching a small, lazy smile spread across them.

"Good morning, baby," he whispered, voice raspy and eyes squinted before he'd yawned, reaching out to me. I clasped his hands in mine and couldn't help the way my heart flipped, his eyes blinking open but falling shut as if the effort was staining and his eyelids were too heavy. I bit my lip and took it all in.

He was mine and I was his and I really wanted to lay back down with him and maybe never move but I just couldn't. I had school, a place that stressed me to the maximum and killed every shred of self-respect I had. If I could just let Paul hold me as he talked to me about art, I'd be content and maybe my mental state wouldn't have been as shitty as it was then.

There was a slight smile on my face as I forced myself to think of Paul and only Paul. I could see him slowly nodding off back into sleep. "Good morning." I'd replied, attempting to ignore the blush creeping closer to my face. I brushed a stray curl off his forehead, letting my fingers trail down to graze his plush bottom lip, "I'll wake you up in about an hour, okay?"

He didn't give me an actual answer but instead groaned softly, gripping a pillow and cuddling up to it much as I would to his chest. And he burrowed himself further in the blankets as I groggily passed Rilee, who was pretty much knocked out on her bed, trying to rid how adorable Paul had looked and the longing I had to kiss him again because I knew if I kissed him again, I wouldn't be able to leave.

I was planning on doing some thinking in the living room before I showered and started getting ready but a soft strumming coming from the room across the hall had averted my attention.

The door was closed but disregarding it as I'd only assumed Landon wouldn't be able to hear me, I opened it to see him in a chair beside one of the two beds, leaned back and strumming an electric guitar in his lap, amp beside him although it wasn't plugged in.

I hadn't wanted to interrupt him but I had time to spare and I really didn't want to spend an hour alone so knocking on the open door, I let myself past the threshold. There was a slight hopefulness in my tone which indicated how much I wanted Landon to engage in a conversation with me, "You aware it's five am?"