Memoirs Of A Hood Princess

Chapter 5

I found myself on the phone with Carter for four hours, I couldnt put my finger on it but something about him intrigued me.  "Carter wheres your girl?" "Slim do i ask you about who your fucking? Do I even ask about anything besides you and your kids? No, because I enjoy you and how you make me feel, so just leave well enough alone baby girl and enjoy me." The shit kind of pissed me off but I wasnt trippn, I just was curious, ya know, wondering why do men cheat if they love someone.  "Carter I just dont understand some things thats all.  No hard feelings,  Cause I already know the deal, Im not gonna let myself fall for you any how nigga cause I know anytime you done went and moved in with a bitch that has to be some kind of love, so I know your not gonna wife me up." Everything went silent for a minute and that pissed me off more so I just hung the fucking phone up in Carters ear.  I pushed myself up off the sofa and decided to get dress and get something to eat.  My phone began to ring and I smiled because I thought to myself it took him long enough, usually niggas call right back.  Spending all this time with Carter had me forgetting little things so it didnt fuck me up when i heard Charlie Wilson's "you are" singing in the palm of my hands.  It took me a second to realize it was Q's ringtone, my body went numb.  I answered the phone, not knowing what to expect.  "hello?Quincy?...Quincy?....who the fuck it this?" There was nothing after that, the phone hung up, I tried calling  a million times but only got the voicemail.  I sat down on my bed and cried my heart out, because for the first time I didnt no what to do, who would do something so cruel?  I knew it was Q's phone but how the fuck could anyone have it.  My mind wondered....could he be alive? Did the killer have his phone? Am I next? I have to figure things out.  I called Quad and Vonn over, I didnt bother letting anyone else know because you'll be amazed at all the mutha fuckas who end up dead and its the people whose close to them that have offed they ass.  When they both arrived, i told them what happen and everybodys mouth was hung open, speechless.  What the fuck was going on?

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It seemed like my life was taking twist and turns that allowed my body to become numb.  I never was in a place in my life where I couldnt adapt, I was a survivor, a hustler, but this time things were different.  It had been two months since the the call from Quincy's phone and we had no leads and everything Quad thought of ended cold, we didnt know where to begin because really there never was an end.  Quincy's body was never found, the blood appeared to be his as well as another, but no one knew who else was in the car, all that was found was Q's wallet and one of his shirts.  I decided to suck it up and move on, but I also got Quad to get me a pistol just in case.  Who knows what the fuck was going on and I be damn if  a mutha fucker came in my shit and tried to hurt me and my fucking kids.  There would be hell to pay if a mutha fucker looked at my babies wrong.  I was ready to blow a mutha fuckas head off, right now i wasnt stable.  I was home just laying about after sending the kids to school, so i decided to ring up Carter, fuck it couldnt hurt.  I was lonely, I was sad......I missed Quincy so much,  I really loved him.  I walked over to my dresser and took the box out, the ring was beautiful........I dropped to my knees and didnt realize, I cried so much.  I just needed to be held, I needed Q, but he wasnt here so I called the next best thing.  "Hello, Carter?" I just needed him to know how i felt, I never really told Carter all the details of my life, I kept Q to myself, I didnt wanna share what i felt for him with anyone, because part of me thought he would walk back home any moment. "No, bitch this aint Carter, but how the fuck can i be any service to you?"  I was on the other end of the phone speechless, I started to hang up, but I was carring so much in me right now, why the fuck not this bitch.  "Bitch? Hoe do you know? NO! thats what the fuck I thought, I advise you to stay in your fucking lane Ms.Im so fucking insecure I have to check my niggas shit! Bitch do me a favor and tell Carter get at his girl Slim," after I told the bitch off i hung up in that hoe face and lauged because I knew right about now that bitch was confused and hurt.  Fuck her anyways, I dont owe shit to nobody, because at the end of the day all I have is me and my angels and Carter was just a nigga out to get him.  I laid across my bed and my mind started to wonder about Quad, the last time I seen him his pain was written all on his face. He looked up to Quincy, they were tighter than any brothers I ever knew, It crushed me to see him that way.  I would give the world to have things changed, I should have moved in with Q, maybe he would have slowed down, maybe his death could of been prevented.  I needed to know what the fuck was going on, did I really receive that call, am I losing my fucking mind.  I picked up my evo and looked through all those pictures of Me, Quincy and the kids, we were so happy.  Why God, why would you give me the opportunity to love, just to have my heart broken.  I begin to cry so hard, I gave myself a headache.  I held my pillow tight and dozed off.  I was waken by the phone ringing and it stunned me so much i rolled out the bed and hit my head on the dresser, it hurt but it was funny as hell, I grabbed the phone and Carters voice was on the other end " Slim Im sorry," "Sorry for what, man look, thats your bitch, your problem.....that shit aint got nothing to do with me, but dont expect me to be ringing your shit, because on some real shit I would come down there and knock on you fucking door and put a bullet in that bitch head, so its best I stay the fuck away from you because nigga im built like that." I  didnt give Carter the time to respond, I hung up in his face.  Im going through my own shit and thats the last thing I have time for.  Fuck Carter and that bitch!  " Carter, so you have to go and sit in your fucking car so you can call that bitch, I dont mean shit to you anymore," I was sick of this shit, first searching my clothes, now all in my phone, "Lace, let me make this clear, you dont snoop through my shit! I provide a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and I allow you to sit on your ass and shop all fucking day, so accept reality and love it or get the fuck, but leave my fucking daughter when you go, because if  you ever try to take her I will personally break your fucking neck," " What!!! What!!!! How could you ever speak to me like that, I left my life behind for you, I gave up my whole fucking life for you Carter......I was there when you didnt have anyone, I was there when you couldnt sleep at night after Mase death..............................And let me make this clear, If I ever decide to go, trust and believe my daughter would be at my side, because thats mine...all mine!' As soon as it came out I wished that I didnt speak it, maybe he didnt understand. I looked at Carter and immediately saw the anger, "What the fuck you mean all yours, huh bitch? What the fuck you mean? Lace? So you dont here me talking to your red ass? Bitch get the fuck out my sight!" I pushed Lace ass out my fucking truck and pulled off, I didnt know where I was going, I had no one.

I was looking at the back of Carters truck when I felt my heart actually skip a beat.  I never knew if my beautiful girl was really Carter's or Mase.  Carter had my heart, everything in me loved him, but all it took was one night....one of those nights when your just sick of the the same nigga taking your love for granted.  It had been two days and Carter wasnt home, and on top of that some bitch had the nerve to come knocking on my door and telling me she was pregnant with Carters kid.  That was enough to put me on my ass and I was heart broken.  I had turned my back on my family.....my mom....I missed her so much, but I axed her out of my life when she said she didnt approve of Carter.  So Why would he cheat on me, get a bitch pregnant, I had no one to talk to but Mase.  Mase was my bestfriend and he was there for me through all the shit Carter brought me through and before I knew it we were in bed together and it felt so right, but after I wanted to die!

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It had been two weeks since I spoke to Carters ass, He was calling me every day, leaving boo coo voice mails and I just did the usual and hit the ignore on his ass. I was so disappointed in Carter, I had feelings for him no lie, and what hurt more was I had given in and allowed him to make love to me that night we went out. I was so damn stupid, but I knew from the moment we were together that night I knew I wanted to feel him inside of me. I couldn’t lie Carters ass was so fine, but I felt like I had betrayed Quincy. But I cant lie, he felt so good and I knew he liked the pussy because from then on every time he seen me his mouth immediately became wet. Everything in me wanted to scream FUCK CARTER but it wasn’t that hard to forget him, since Q’s death he was the only nigga who made me feel whole again. I pulled up to the mall and decided to just go crazy in that bitch, I had so much going on I didn’t even remember getting dressed and driving here. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with me lately. I had become so stressed my period was irregular and I was snapping at everyone. I walked in guess and decided to cop me a fya ass dress I had seen previously on the web. It didn’t take me long to get in there and get out, I already knew what I wanted. I walked out of guess starving my ass off and decided to stop by the food court, but passing by Steve Madden hindered that thought. “May I help you miss,” I looked at the chic who seemed to be young, I would give her 19 or 20, I wondered what her life might be like. I wondered if it was a quite and normal life and for one second I wished I could have been any one but myself right now. “ Yes please, do you have these in black,” “allow me one moment to check miss,” and she was gone, it didn’t take her long before she came back with my shoes and I was out of there. I was looking down into my purse for my phone and walking at the same time, stupid move, I bumped into him and you would of thought we both seen a fucking ghost. “Hey Slim…how have the kids been?’ I thought maybe I was in a dream, so I blinked and looked at him again to see if I wasn’t tripping. “Shad…..their good, I didn’t know you were back home,” “Yeah, I just got in today, I was planning on coming to see you,” I remembered all he had done to me and I lost it. “Coming to see me? Why would you wanna do that, we don’t have shit to say to each other homeboy,” “I missed you, but I understand the anger, I aint tripping Slim, just remember one thing, like I told you before, you will never have a happy life if its not with me.” The hair on my neck stood up and I brushed passed him and got the fuck out of there before that crazy mutha fucka followed me. It took me thirty minutes to get home and I wasn’t in the door good enough before I felt sick, I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything inside of me. This was the third day I found myself not keeping any of my food in, I was an emotional wreck. I laid on the couch and allowed my mind to wonder. I was funny how Q comes up dead and here is Shad ass home, he never liked Quincy, come to think of it he hated Q. I wonder if he had something to do with all this shit. I felt myself getting queezy and jumped off the couch and ran back to the bathroom and my head was yet in the toilet again. Fuck this shit I have to make an appointment and get this fucking bug fixed, I don’t do good with sick. I called my PCP and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I walked in my kids room and decided to lay their in my sons bed and watch them play the PS2, before I knew it I was passed out.