Memoirs Of A Hood Princess

Ch.6 Carters View

I didnt know what was annoying me more.....Lace ass or Slim straight ducking a nigga, it was cool though, I was getting real tired of both of their shit and somethin' had to shake.  I decided to hop my ass out of the bed and get dress.  My plans was to whine and dine Lace and my baby girl for a couple of hours, make a run to put flowers on my momz and brothers grave and also to dip on a few of my peoples back in the hood, but before all that I had to speak with Slim, I needed to know.... I had to look in her eyes one more time and decide the difference between shit and sugar, cause if I didnt know anything else, I knew this chic had me gone.  "Carter....Carter, bae.....are you still sleep because I was wondering what time we were gonna be leaving out for,"  After all that bullshit that went down between me and Lace I somehow decided to let the shit ride, cause one thing for sure, the truth always have a way of showing its ass one way or the other, but I made it very clear that she better be able to acccept the consequences.  "Yeah bae, give me a lil time to wash up and I need to make a run right fast and then we can shoot out." She didnt respond because I knew she knew what the fuck I was up to, she knew me to well, but I really didnt give a fuck.  I found life funny after my brothers death, even after I found the nigga who was responsible and merked his ass, it still didnt please me, for some strange reason ever since that night, its as if ive been feeling my death.  It didnt make it any better that the nigga body never washed up, but fuck show me ah mutha fucka who can swim the Mississippi river and i'll climb up to heaven and bring God and Jesus back.........but it still bothered me not knowing.  

I passed the mirror and began to admire my ownself, I laughed to myself when I thought of all the times my baby brother would rib me about working out so much.  That was my round, my nigga, we did it all together.  I suddenly began to do something my mother said i was never to do.....I question God, "Why him? He was all I had? If you love us so much, why the fuck do you subject us to so much hurt, you know I needed him, he was all the fuck I had," I began to cry because for the longest I didnt think of him, didnt wanna remember him, because it hurt so much.  My chest felt like it was on fire and I felt so alone, damn I missed him.  I felt a hand wrap around me and I heard her voice, so sweet, so innocent, "daddy why are you crying?" I turned around and picked my angel up and suddenly felt chills all over my body, I had realized that God had blessed me with her.  Its all mapped out anyways and as long as I have her im straight.  "Daddy's crying because he was just thinking God for giving him you, you are special princess, do you know that?" she smiled and my heart skipped a beat, "Yes daddy, I know because you tell it to me so muuuucccchhh," "Becuase you are to never forget it, theres nothing more important to me than you." I kissed my baby and told her to go and get dress.  I through on some Nike shorts, a wife beater and some J's I just copped, grabbed my keys and bouced.  Slim was gonna talk to me today, fuck all that nonsense.  I looked at Lace while I was leaving and I noticed she had been crying, but I really didnt have time for her pety shit right now, I would deal with it when I got back.  She looked at me and turned away.

                                                                       Lace.........

I had heard everything Carter had said to baby girl, I wonder how he would feel if he knew she might not be his, how would he feel if he knew I had set Quincy up to look as if he had killed his brother, I had tried to do everything in my power to keep him happy, I had fucked up so much and there was no way to clean this shit up.  Carter would kill my ass if he knew, he was at fault, he had brought me through all these changes.  Out there fucking these random, thirsty ass bitches, leaving no one to console me but his brother, whom I loved like my own brother, but how could he threaten to tell Carter about us, about the mistake WE had made.  I could not let that happen, I couldnt.....Quincy was an out of towner, he fit the bill, I threw Carter the idea and he ran with it.  Quincy was trying to take over these parts and he had to take the  heavy hitters out.  He must have done it and your probably next, I spoke these words to Carter, filling his ear with all the fucked up lies.  I felt bad for Quincy's family because I knew he had someone who he loved dearly, in fact we spoke a couple of times, when he would be chilln at my girls Debs house with her brothers, some kind of ways they were kin folk but I never took the time to figure out how, he wasnt there for the drama, he was a made nigga, he already had shit sowed up, but he was the only one.....he was suspect.  Someone had to go down and it couldnt be me. I cried when I heard  him speaking to God, questioning him.  I knew I was the reason for his pain and deep down he knew something was fishy and im glad he hadnt figured it out because he would surely put me in my grave.   I nervously sat and allowed the t.v. to watch me, because my mind was gone, I didnt know what to do.  I knew about this Slim bitch and I knew he was headed there, I've heard him so many times leaving those pitiful ass messages, and I still couldnt believe that he was the same Carter that I fell in love with, when did he care so much.......the only time I remeber him feeling that way was...................when we first fell in love!!! My baby was in love with some bitch! "O.K., cool! I can deal with this shit, even if I have to lay that bitch down." I was so angry I didnt realize I had spoken out loud, but who gives a fuck, it was her or me and best believe me, it wasnt gonna be that bitch.               

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I was almost to Slim's house and I was determined to get in or kick the fucking door in, she was gonna hear me out.  I needed Slim on my team, I couldnt be without her.  I wished many nights that she would just pick up the phone and tell me to come and scoop her up, lets get the fuck away from here.  That was my plan before I even met Slim, I was gonna take my baby girl, leave Lace some "fuck off' money and bounce, but I had to lay low after the murder of Q, funny thing is, I never thought that dude did it, Lace was just all in my face about the shit and i was already angry, someone had to pay.  Come to think of it, Lace ass was stressing me ah lil to hard about offing that cat, matter of fact, that bitch was coming on to strong about the whole shit.  Ya see life is like that, when your feeling so much of pain, your side tracked by reality, something aint right bout this shit.  I called my nigga B-more and asked him to look into some shit for me, ya know do some investingating, about Quincy and Lace and see what he digs up, the bitch probably was fucking the nigga and didnt wanna get caught, either or i'll have an excuse for bouncing on her trife ass.  The more I stayed around her the more foul she smelled to me, but deep down I think I still loved her but my soul allowed me to know that she had fucked me bad this time.  I wonder if Slim had cooked ah nigga was starving, fuck come to think of it I never been in her crib, something about her respecting her ex and she hadnt got over his death yet, fuck all that, who ever he was the nigga aint coming back, we had to talk.  I wanted to be with that girl, she made me remember what that thing called love is really like and I know she would be a good mother to my daughter, because all that gangsta shit she has in her is hushed when she gets around her cubs and I loved that about her.  Yeah....she was gon most def be my girl!  I pulled up to Slim apartment and saw Vonn's car in the drive way.  I always liked that chic Vonn, she was down to earth and real,just maybe she could talk some sense into my future wife. I smiled when I was walking up to the door, because I thought about how she would feel when I tell her that I love her.